Decennial, and out

Probably out, anyway. Today marks ten years to the day since I launched myself into the cyberspace ocean, and, predictably, a lot of things have changed in my life, some good but far more bad, pretty much all documented in the pages of this blog. In terms of carrying on here, though, the worst thing is my aphasia - it's just so frustrating to not be able to express myself fluently, even though my writing is markedly better than it was when I had my stroke in October 2017. Given the fact that its so painful, mostly psychologically but, occasionally, physically, too - writing can be a literal headache, on the bad days - and the fact that my blogs, never popular, but now almost completely ignored, means that I can't find the motivation anymore. I'll never say never, but this very well could be my last post.
If this is the end, thank you for reading - I'm not intending to delete the blogs, so I still hope that some people might find what I've written is useful, or even entertaining, but I'm not holding my breath in expectation.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

The last cutie

Maybe, at least. I was out and about yesterday, and saw a delightful boy, 12/13, right in my AoA, the most beautiful creature I've seen this year so far, and close to being the cutest I've seen in the 11 months since I moved to my 'new home town'. But, apart from the fact that he was a 'ghost', disappearing within a couple of minutes my seeing him, the usual depression set in, the knowledge that even if I saw him all day everyday, he could never be mine, even as a friend. Just like I've never had a boy in my life, ever, even when I was a boy myself. I'm 60 in a couple of months time, and I've spent nearly 50 years living with unrequited desire, never able to have what I want most. Pretty much the ultimate life sentence. No doubt the haters will say that is what I deserve, apart from the ones who just think I should be lynched instead. Days like this, I just feel like drinking myself to death. At least the pain will stop, finally. And there will be no cuties anymore. Forever.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B