Saturday, 20 September 2014

It should go better this time

Exactly 52 weeks ago, I was on a train to Manchester for a visit that degenerated into one of the worst days of my life. In a couple of hours time, I'll be heading off on another trip, but I'm not expecting it to be anything other than congenial this time. I'm off to my brother's, to take him and my sister-in-law  out for a meal to belatedly celebrate their fiftieth birthdays - my sister-in-law passed the milestone a month ago, my brother a fortnight later. I'm looking forward to what I'm sure will be an evening of good food and good company - and I don't feel I'm tempting fate in the slightest by saying so.

Love & best wishes
Sammy B

Friday, 19 September 2014

Too politically correct, obviously

I met up with some work colleagues in town this afternoon, for a drinkies session that had been mooted several weeks ago. It was advertised as a 'civilised drink', but that was always a little doubtful, given some of the participants. Somewhere along the line, a visit to a well-known topless bar had been pencilled in, and I'd made it known that I wasn't at all interested, but, even so, everyone seemed surprised that I actually meant what I'd said, when I refused to have anything to do with it. My objections have nothing to do with my orientation, but revolve around what I consider to be the demeaning effect of such places, to the customers as much as to the staff. I went elsewhere, assured that they wouldn't be there long, but, two and a half hours later, when I hadn't been invited to rejoin them, I gave up the ghost and headed towards home. Maybe someone will add two and two, and make five, but if so, that's their problem. Contrary to what some might think, I have principles, and I intend to stick to them.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Thursday, 18 September 2014

Not what you expect....

....on a number 2 bus at 6:00 in the morning, even in Central London, but there he was. No ambiguity about legality, he was probably in his early twenties - and drop dead gorgeous, even to my boyloving eyes. As I've said more than once, I've got no discernible 'gaydar', but I'd be very surprised, given his attire and demeanour, if he was straight. Once I'd got my breath back, though, my mood collapsed into a miasma of pitiful inadequacy, the knowledge that someone like him would never be accessible to a fat old mess like me. And probably never would have been, even when I was his age, but, once more, I cursed my stupidity and cowardice for not even having tried to be myself back then, instead cravenly attempting to be what those around me expected. There's a scene in the film Papillon where the main character dreams of being charged and found guilty of 'a wasted life'. That's me, to a T.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Tuesday, 16 September 2014

About as close to....

....a warm glow as I ever get. The last hour or so has been spent on YouTube, sampling such delights as Lagartija Nick by Bauhaus, Never Understand by The Jesus & Mary Chain, and a selection of Extreme Noise Terror tracks, while eating gelateria style ice cream (half price at Sainsburys!). But most creamy of all, a video of clips from Omen III - The Final Conflict. which featured, more than once, the most gorgeous boy to have appeared in any film, ever, as far as I'm concerned - Barnaby Holm as Peter Reynolds. And, as often - and I mean often! - as I've seen the film, I spotted something I'd never noticed before. Anyone who's seen the film will probably remember the hunt scene, but I didn't realise that Peter winked at Damien and gave him the cutest of wry smiles before the hunt proper began. Talk about dripping with homoeroticism! If it was physically possible, I'd quite simply have been left as a gooey puddle on the living room carpet! Wonderful!

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Monday, 15 September 2014

Be yourself, please!

Typical teenboy (13/14 apiece)  conversation in the seats behind me on a bus this afternoon - boy A accuses boy B of being gay, boy B strenuously denies the accusation, it goes to and fro for a while, then boy A gets off the bus, followed by boy B one stop later. Boy B was, if nothing else, slightly androgynous looking (and pretty damned cute), but nothing about his demeanour suggested that there was any foundation to the other boy's jibes. What went through my head, though, was the thought that 'if you are gay, whatever else you do, be yourself'. Don't, for fuck's sake, end up like me, ruining your life (amongst others) by trying to pretend to be something you're not.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Saturday, 13 September 2014

Struggling for words

I realise that I may be thought to be giving the lie to the post title by writing what I'm writing, but finding things to say is proving to be a bit of a problem at the moment. There have been some news stories that have caught my eye, and I've had a few minor hiccups in my life that, if I was in a different frame of mind, I might have written about, but, overall, nothing has happened, or is happening, that is sufficiently motivational in terms of my sharing it with the world. I get these dips sometimes, question the reasons why I'm blogging at all, but usually come through and pick up the threads, somehow. This phase will, most likely, be the same, but maybe it won't. Time, as ever, will tell.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Wednesday, 10 September 2014

City life, again

Our corner of London has been completely snarled up this morning - there had apparently been a big accident on the M1, leading to the road being closed from just north of us to its southern end. And, sod's law being what it is, this morning was when we needed to head to our local tube station to renew K's bus pass, so she could get to school. Getting into the town centre wasn't too bad, but getting out again on the route to K's school was a nightmare, and I know first hand, because I'd decided to take the same bus to do some shopping at the big supermarket just down the road from the school. A journey that, even in the rush hour, shouldn't have taken more than about 20 minutes ended up taking almost an hour, leaving K fifteen minutes late for school. She wasn't alone though, because seven or eight other pupils got off the bus at her stop, so she would have had corroborating evidence of the reason for her lateness, if any was required. I'd rung the school, albeit only getting a voicemail service, while we stuck in the traffic, in any case, so I'll be thoroughly irritated if K ends up facing any kind of disciplinary issue.
Irritation of a different kind overtook me on the way back from work last night. At the point where I transfer from train to bus, what appeared to be an extended family, of Asian extraction, was standing outside a restaurant, presumably leaving after a meal. Despite their heritage, they were speaking English, and, as I passed, a woman of grandmotherly age, directed a comment, nothing short of ridicule, towards two other members of the party. The pair concerned were two little boys, neither of whom could have been more than four years old. Their 'crime'? They were holding hands, and she was quite frankly laughing at them. Hardly surprisingly, the boys just looked confused, obviously having no idea what they were supposed to have done wrong. I've said it before, and I'll say it again - as far as I'm concerned, homophobia, and bigotry in general, is learned, not innate.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B