Friday, 22 May 2015

So, OK

I've said this once before, and didn't go through with it, but I really think it needs to be done this time. If I'm going to continue with the blog, it needs to be honest. Totally honest. What I do, what I think, and, probably most of all, what I am. If that alienates any of my meagre cast of readers, all I can do is apologise in advance. I don't expect to have too many years of life left, given my health and lifestyle, so to waste that diminishing stock, as I've wasted so much of the rest, by pretending to be what I'm not and denying my real self, is simply not what I want to do anymore. I've tried to do the 'right' thing, and ended up with nothing, so there's nothing to lose. The world hates me, generically if not personally, for even wanting what I want, so I might just as well be proactive and give them something substantive to hate me for.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Let's answer my own question

There is no point to it, any of it. Normal service will probably never be resumed.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Fear itself

Again, yet again. Saw a blog post about a subject of interest to me, found, from my perspective, at least two levels of hypocrisy in it, as well as feeling a good deal of anger about so-called 'liberals' wanting a child to have been thrown to the wolves of the 'abuse industry', wanted to blog about it in my turn. But, when it came to the crunch, I chickened out. After five years and more, why should I give a shit about what 'they' think? But still I find myself hamstrung by the fear of putting my head above the parapet. If I can't say what I think, what's the point? But, then, that's the question I could ask about my life in general. What's the point?

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Wednesday, 20 May 2015

Demons

With one more early morning of my run of 9 to come, I'm almost too tired to think. And that's probably just as well, because many of the thoughts I have had over the past couple of days have found me in some thoroughly dark places. The usual subject, of course, but with a twist - I've not only had thoughts about what I might do to some hypothetical boy, rather what I might share with him, but whether I could get away with it. I really don't want to hurt anyone, but if that perfect storm of desire, frustration and opportunity was to come together, could I resist? I'm not hopeful.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Sunday, 17 May 2015

I've just seen a place....

....where I could happily live the rest of my life. Sadly, it's come onto the market about four years too early. FML!

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Bigotry to the point of insanity

I was aware, through the news, of the train crash in Philadelphia last week, and, from what little I'd seen, early investigations had seemed to point towards some kind of track defect. But, of course, the Christian right know better. Given that I look after not just one train like the unfortunate driver in this accident, but hundreds of potentially life-threatening scenarios every working day, and that I'm not just gay, but a boylover too, how does this bigoted fuckwit explain why no-one has ever died on my watch. Or even come close to dying.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Saturday, 16 May 2015

Annoyed

In my local (now there's a surprise, eh?!). On the next table is a party of four - three adults and a boy. And the so-called 'grown-ups' are simply ignoring him, carrying on their own conversation. He hasn't got anything to do, no 'electronic babysitter' in the form of a phone or tablet he can play games on. And, of course, he's getting restless - or at least he was, until their food arrived just now. K went to various pubs right through her childhood, but she was always engaged, we played games, traditional, like backgammon and draughts, word and number games of our own devising (a bit of surreptitious extra education, but, hey, it worked pretty well!), or just talked. But she was never ignored. Ever.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B