Friday, 28 November 2014

Chiaroscuro

The dark places in my head still seem to want to assert themselves, far more than usual, for what reason I don't know. Trying to exorcise them through fiction rather than action is the best I can come up with at the moment.
But there is a bright place, too - I've spent the last week or so, on and off, reediting Alexandrine, in an effort to weed out all the typos and awkwardly worded passages I keep finding. To make my perfect boy's story perfect, or as near to that point as, with my limited abilities, I can. So it can be the light to counterbalance my darknesses.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Thursday, 27 November 2014

Drafting and Thanksgiving

Well, having read the analysis, as well as my limited, armchair fan knowledge, it looks like my team haven't done too badly in today's draft - we certainly needed a full forward, so let's hope the no.1 pick turns out to be a star in the making. The other draftees seem to fill obvious deficiencies, too, so I'm hopeful it's been a good day's work.
And I would like to wish my American readers a happy Thanksgiving Day - I hope you and yours enjoy the festivities.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

Sorry, but I think you're wrong

There's so much propaganda, so much hatred directed towards boylovers from 'society' that, as I've said before, it's difficult not to succumb to it at times, maybe most of the time. But when you read something that comes from this side of the fence that parrots 'the party line', it's even more depressing. A foreword to an online story in which the author states 'I doubt that a relationship between a boy and an adult can ever rise above anything sexual'. Capitulation to the haters, and nothing else, as far as I'm concerned. The man is always a predator, the boy always a victim, that's exactly what they want you to believe, that you're selfish and vile and worthless. Well, I totally disagree. It is possible for a man to genuinely love a boy, and for the boy to love him back. And to have such a relationship where sex isn't involved at all. I know, because I've been there. I didn't choose my sexual orientation, so, as long as I don't force anything on anyone, I don't see why I should have to give up any chance of love forever, simply because of societal hysteria. Because love, ultimately, is what it's all about, what I want so badly.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Tuesday, 25 November 2014

Out late

Well, later than usual for me, at least, certainly in this neck of the woods. K is at a gig tonight, one she's been looking forward to for months (albeit that I have to admit that I've never heard of the artist concerned, except in so far as K has mentioned him), and I am, as arranged with my girl, around as a bit of 'insurance' to make sure she gets home safely, given that it will probably involve night buses. She's not a child, of course - she wouldn't have been going to the gig in the first place, otherwise - but a little reassurance (for both of us, if I'm being honest) doesn't do any harm.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Monday, 24 November 2014

The darkness within

Nearly four years ago, I wrote a story. Easily the darkest piece of fiction - and it really is fiction, no part of it has any real life analogue - I've ever written. It's said, though, that all fiction is autobiography, to some extent, and I think something that's happened this afternoon bears that out in this instance. I was on a bus, leaving the bus station in our local town centre, when I spotted a boy. A boy on his own, despite not being very old - perhaps 11, 12 at the most - who looked as though he really ought to have been in school, given the time of day. As the bus carried on its way, the boy was quickly out of sight, but certainly not out of mind. I spent the next few minutes lost in rather lurid fantasies of what I could do with such a boy - or, maybe more significantly, what I could do to him. I like to tell myself that I'd never coerce anyone sexually, but there are times when I doubt whether, if a genuine opportunity arose, I'd really be able to resist temptation. I can hope, of course, but I'd be blatantly lying if I said I could guarantee it. And that knowledge, the implacable knowledge of the dark places inside me, is why I find it so hard to live with myself, so much of the time.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

How many more?

How many more children have to die before the US comes to its senses and divests itself of its ridiculous gun fetish? Last week, a 13 year old bleeding to death in his parents' arms in a hotel room after being shot in the head by a bullet 'accidentally discharged' in a neighbouring room, this week a 12 year old shot by police in a playground for the heinous crime of having a toy gun (I'm sure the fact that he had brown skin was a pure coincidence). FFS grow up, the fucking lot of you, and stop pretending you're living on the wild frontier. Guns have only one purpose - to kill. Consign them to the dustbin of history, where they belong. And those of you on the other side of the pond who might read this, and say that I'm just an effete Brit who doesn't understand your country - you're right, I don't understand. I don't understand how this carnage hasn't brought about change decades ago.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Saturday, 22 November 2014

Cutie in the house!

Whenever I find myself in my local on a Saturday afternoon, I always hope I might see 'smiling boy', the one who raised my spirits so dramatically the first time I ever came in here when I was flat hunting in January. I never have seen him again, but, today, there's an absolutely gorgeous little guy on the premises, blond and beautiful in spades. Perhaps fortunately, he's out of sight from where I'm sitting, because I could very easily 'out' myself by gazing at him like a lovesick adolescent!

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B