Beyond awesome

24 hours ago, more or less exactly, I was lucky enough to be at Bournemouth Pavilion to experience what was arguably the best gig I've ever seen. King Crimson, right by the stage, and I got to share with it K, too. Starless! Red!! The whole set, really. If that proves my last ever live concert, and it might be, I'll be leaving on a massive high. Simply unbelievably stunning.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

52 weeks

It's the anniversary of my last day, the last five hours, in fact, of being able to speak and write normally - it's exactly 52 weeks since I had my stroke. Not much to celebrate about, realistically, but it has been a useful day - I'm in my prospective 'new hometown', visiting the estate agents and, more particularly, the solicitors. They're satisfied with the paperwork I've provided, so the next step should be progressing imminently - once I've paid a pile of cash, which they will have in their account by tomorrow, unless anything unforeseen happens. Death, taxes and lawyers, as I said last time!

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Progressing, nervously

Things are happening as far as the flat goes - I've had a formal letter from the estate agents confirming the acceptance for my offer from the vendors, and I've now got a solicitor arranged (at a price, of course - there are no certainties beyond death, taxes and grasping lawyers, it seems!), so everything appears to be going smoothly so far. Because of my almost pathological pessimism, though, I'm expecting some disaster looming, almost by the hour, given the way my life has lurched from crisis to crisis (many self-inflicted, I'll admit) over so many years. I'm not prepared to breathe easily until the keys of the place are in my hands - and even then, I'll probably drop them down the nearest drain, or something equally deranged!

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

A big deal

Unless something unforeseen happens, I've bought a flat today, a good place, too, in my opinion. I very much hope that I've made the right decision, because I expect I'll live there the rest of my life. Wish me luck!

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Not vacillating

Within minutes of publishing my last post, I saw a guy, maybe ten years younger than me, wearing a t-shirt that said 'STILL HATE THATCHER'. That is one sentiment I will never question, ever.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Vacillation

I had a trip yesterday, 'up north', 200-odd miles from 'domicile-ville', to view a flat on the outskirts of a large town, somewhere I've never lived in, but within thirty miles of the place where I met my ex, and where K was born, so, overall, an area I'm familiar with. And the flat is stunning, given my property budget, easily the best place I've seen over the six months, give or take, since I've been house hunting. But I'm still hesitant, thinking of all the snags could arise, real or imagined, paralysed by doubt. I used to be reasonably decisive (albeit prone to terrible choices, at times), but now I'm seemingly incapable to cope with any substantive questions. It's not a pleasant feeling.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

Despair

For a while now, I've tried to convince myself that I should be back to blogging regularly - my aphasia won't be 'cured', ever, but I can function, to a degree, and I could compose a post like this, albeit not very fluently, and more to the point, not quickly. Writing is, mostly, work now, as opposed to a pleasure. But I could force myself to doing it, sometimes, if it wasn't that the world, in its present iteration, was so relentlessly depressing. My own situation is my problem, but the wider world is simply appalling, as far as I can see. The forces of reaction, of selfishness and greed, of bigotry and hatred, are winning, everywhere. Much as I love K, there are days that I wish that she was never born. I'll be dead soon, realistically, but she'll have to live with the consequences of my mistakes, of the world's mistakes. What a legacy.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B