Tuesday, 27 June 2017


I didn't sleep at all well last night. Despite being very tired, I was woken several times by what you might call an episodic nightmare. The 'centrepiece' of the dream was my finding a website full of videos of young people, girls as well as boys, being abused, raped and even murdered - by me. The 'dream me' was frantically trying to delete the evidence, but more and more kept appearing. The sleep/wake cycle happened probably three times, and each time I was dropped back into the miasmic swamp of my subconscious. I really don't know what to make of it - I'm well aware that many would consider me irremediably evil just for being attracted to (mainly) boys, but, in my waking hours, I genuinely don't want to hurt anyone, and try my utmost to live my life accordingly, so why all of this horrific stuff should have presented itself is mysterious and disturbing in equal parts. Maybe I'm just reading too much into a dream, but it must have come from somewhere, some dark place within. All I can do, I guess, is to isolate myself still further from the slightest hint of temptation, painful as that might be.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B


  1. Dear Sammy

    Oh my goodness, what a traumatic night that must have been for you.

    I don't pretend to be an expert on figuring dreams out, but I have read several books on the subject, so I offer these comments, with a good heart, in the hope that it might help.

    To begin with, SYMBOLS are the language of dreams, and believe it or not, even the most complex dreams often have quite the most simple meanings. The SYMBOLS are often METAPHORS for something else, which further adds to the confusion.

    Throw in a large portion of "inverse", even "mangled-up" logic, and the dream becomes even more disturbing.

    The real danger of course, as you rightly said, is reading too much into dreams. In trying to figure a dream out, you have to identify the SYMBOLS, and regard them as "Icons", rather like on a computer desktop. They don't do much in themselves, but represent something else. There are seldom more than three or four relevant SYMBOLS in most dreams, sometimes only one or two. Each one has a meaning but only in a "shortcut" sense of the word, once you break it down to symbolic elements, the message usually starts to emerge. And it is always a lot simpler than it seems when you first wake up.

    Briefly, I would suggest that the dream is indicative of an on-going inner confict occupying your mind in your waking life. The act of "killing" is symbolic of "killing off" the conflict. The "children" symbol, I think in this case, suggests a feeling that your own "inner-child" is lacking a voice. In other words, no one is "listening to me" .

    In the most simplistic terms it' an acknowledgement of a conflict you are fighting against, and a strong desire to be heard, respected and understood. Easy to say, given our situation, and I do realise it might sound trite to say it like this. But oftentimes, dreams really are that simple. I think I would probably come to the same conclusion, even if was someone else's dream.

    Of course these inner-conflicts are quite common with people such as ourselves. I've had similar dreams, not perhaps as violent as yours, so I do sympathise, such dreams can be extremely upsetting.

    It's worth considering again the other two things I mentioned above - "Metaphor" and "inverse logic". My granny used to sometimes say - "Dream of the dead, hear of the living". With that sort of "inverted logic" applied, even the most horrendous dreams can often have completely the opposite meaning.

    Anyway, take care of yourself, try not to worry too much about it. We both know that such a dream would never be acted out in the waking world.

    Warmest regards - Dave

    1. Hello Dave
      Disturbing as my dream was at the time, literally and figuratively, I've managed not to dwell on it too much over the past couple of days. My conscious mind is well aware that I must do everything possible to avoid acting out anything in the dream, and I'm reasonably confident, given the evidence hitherto, that I can control the darkness within. Thank you for your thoughts, and for your concern - as ever, they are much appreciated.

      Love & best wishes
      Sammy B