Sitting here reading my last post, I had a massive deja-vu moment - I'm convinced that I've dreamed about sitting in this computer chair, reading my own blog, and that I had that dream before I even knew what a blog was.
The dream world is part of the reason that I've got into the kind of conflicted state that has led me to wanting to begin a blog and put my thoughts out in the wider world. On 3 or 4 separate occasions, I've dreamed about a boy who lives close to where I work, and who I see walking past my workplace from time to time. Without putting too fine a point on it, he's the most beautiful creature I've laid eyes on in the best part of 30 years, but not in a girlish way - he's about 13, athletic, all boy, just perfection. If it wasn't for the fact that I've never spoken to him and know almost nothing about him, I'd probably say that I'd fallen head over heels in love with him. I just didn't expect that kind of thing to happen to me, at my age - it's almost like a pre-adolescent crush, and one that has dragged feelings and memories of a very, very dark time in my life almost back to the surface. This is the second time I've alluded to this darkness from the past, and I hope before too long to be able to write about it, but I'll need a bit more courage than I'm capable of just at this moment.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
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