Fifteen hours or thereabouts later, I'll try and pick up the thread of what I said earlier. It might well be seen as controversial, or even indefensible in some eyes, and make me liable to be shot at, but I intend to follow my consistent policy of being honest and true to myself in this blog.
As I said before, Sandusky the rapist completely deserves the full measure of punishment the law allows. Some of the offences he stood accused of, though, I would argue shouldn't be crimes at all. What I'm getting at is the whole vexed question of consent. 'The age of consent', as far as I'm concerned, is purely a cultural construct. If it was a biological, a physiological absolute, then the age of consent would be standard everywhere. But that is patently not the case. Within Europe alone, it ranges between 13 and 18. What I am searching for in my life, and I'm sure I'm not the only one, is a loving, caring, consensual relationship. I fail to see how the law can say that an individual can say 'yes' to such a relationship only after a specific, arbitrary day, in the case of the UK, their 16th birthday, whereas the previous day, they were considered to be clueless children. And the same young person in this country, had they chanced to have been born Spanish instead, would have been able to make that decision for themselves three whole years earlier. The whole thing is completely lacking a logical basis, as far as I'm concerned. I fully accept that there have to be laws to protect the vulnerable, of any age, those who are for whatever reason unable to give informed consent, but why there should be a draconian, 'tablets of stone' approach to the subject escapes me. Unless, of course, it's not about 'protection' at all, but about control, the powers-that-be, spiritual and temporal, arrogating to themselves the right to dispense a desirable commodity, in this case a pleasurable physical experience, as they see fit, to help them to maintain their unjustified position of power and influence.
Which leads me on to another aspect of the subject. The often-quoted 'power imbalance' in cross-generational relationships, the assumption that the older person always imposes their will on the younger. In my opinion, that is a ridiculously easy 'problem' to solve. Allow the younger person to take charge, let them set the agenda, to allow as much or as little as they themselves are comfortable with to take place. I can speak from my own experience here, in the shape of the relationship I had with my cousin when he was in his early teens and I was in my early twenties. I would have loved to have gone to bed with him, and he knew it, but it didn't happen, because he didn't want it to happen, because he wasn't prepared to go that far. He allowed a small amount of affectionate physical contact, at an 'arm around the shoulder' level, but that was as much as he was comfortable with, so that was as far as I went. It's a simple matter of communication, like any other close relationship should be. Listen, understand, don't transgress the boundaries. The younger person may, in time, allow something more, or they may not, as in the case of my cousin. Whatever that decision is, the older person should always respect it.
But that respect, that reciprocity, is not extended by society. Even if a relationship between a man and a boy is fully consensual, its coming to light in today's world, in the vast majority of cases, sets off an avalanche of negative consequences, with the almost ubiquitous hysterical reaction from 'authority' figures, parents, schools, social services, law enforcement, often causing far more damage to the young person than anything that could ever have happened within the relationship itself. The assumption that the younger person, the 'victim', is always 'damaged goods' as a result of any such relationship all too often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Even in the face of such negativity, though, I still believe that there could be circumstances where someone like me could be a partner in a mutually satisfying and beneficial relationship with a boy. I seriously doubt that it will ever happen, not least because part of my strategy for coping with my attractions is to stay as far away from boys as I can, certainly emotionally, and even in terms of physical proximity, to the extent that's possible, but what I don't doubt is that it could happen. Love is love, caring is caring. Put the other first, always, and accept what is offered in return with gratitude. Maybe one day. Just maybe.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
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