Maybe, at least. I don't, in any way, want to blame Daniel for my returning to inflict my woes on an unsuspecting Blogworld, but it has, perhaps, been the final nudge in a process which has been ongoing in my mind for a few weeks now.
One of the biggest benefits I've been lucky enough to enjoy over the past almost two and a half years of my time in cyberspace has been the connection to others I would, could never have 'met' in any other way. And that connection has been the element I've missed most over the last ten weeks or so of self-imposed 'exile', a period which has, arguably, been one of the most traumatic phases of my life. Things are still ongoing, and I'm not going to go into any great detail at this stage, but it's not too much of an exaggeration to say that I've lost, or will lose in the near future, just about everything that has been important to me over the last twenty-odd years. The question is, and the answer is far from clear to me at the moment, where do I go, where can I go from here? I predicted that if I ever came out to my wife I'd lose everything, and gain nothing, and that prediction seems to me to have been proved correct. Is there a way forward for me? Do I even want there to be? Questions, questions, but few, if any, answers.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
I hope you can find a way to continue on and a good reason to do so.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Brian, wholeheartedly. I am so sorry that you're being subjected to this, but perhaps there will remain a few grains on which to go forward.
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
Hello Brian & Jay
ReplyDeleteOne of the last posts I wrote before my 'intermission' talked about justification, the need to justify yourself to yourself as a basic prerequisite for any sort of worthwhile life. As things stand at the moment, that justification is still elusive. I had hoped my daughter might have provided it, but even that doesn't seem likely now. So I don't know. I'm still here at the moment, and there have been some dark days when that wasn't a given, so the possibility of finding a way forward still exists.
Thank you for your concern.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hi Sammy,
ReplyDeleteGood to hear from you.
The connection with your daughter (and wife) remains, and time will heal wounds and provide retrospection, eventually.
Your life experience *IS* your "justification," so please soldier on as best as is possible.
Love,
-Andy
Hello Andy
DeleteI am trying to find a path, but the sense of loss and the absence of a positive 'goal' to aim for are making things difficult at the moment. 'Soldiering on' is, at best, a short term expedient, an existence rather than a life, but, as I said to Brian and Jay, it does keep me 'in the game', and leaves the possibility of finding something better open.
Thanks for reading and commenting.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Feel free to "blame" me Sammy. I feel good knowing I actually (might) have a good influence in at least someone :D
ReplyDeleteEither way, keep it up. I'll be reading.
Love
Daniel
Hello Daniel
DeleteI had, as I said, been thinking of resuscitating the blog for a few weeks, and seeing you return to cyberspace was, I think, the last little piece of the jigsaw, to encourage me to have another go. The empathy and support I feel exists between we bloggers, at least sometimes, the possibility to help and to be helped, is the biggest positive, as far as I'm concerned, that Blogland has to offer. Thank you being here.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B