Well, here I am, back where I last was in 1990. In what amounts to a bedsit, on my own, with nowhere else to go. My wife and daughter are moving out of the family home today, and there's no way I can afford to maintain the place, and this place, and contribute towards my family's new domicile, on just my wages, so the house will be gone, sooner rather than later. With no-one else in it, even if I was still living there, it wouldn't be a home, in any case. I spoke to my wife yesterday, and she was talking about the disposition of things, possessions, why don't I take this or that? I've tried, over the last three months or so, to make her understand how all of this has affected me, largely without success, but I think that what I said, that 'things' are a total irrelevance when all that matters has been lost, might have got through to her - she was pretty quiet after I said that, at least.
This fait accompli, though, doesn't resolve anything in itself. I still don't know where I'll go now, or even whether I want to go anywhere. The pain of loss has overwhelmed everything recently, but once the realisation of the void that now constitutes what's left of my life kicks in, I get the feeling it's going to be very difficult to come to terms with. Maybe impossible.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
I'm sorry you are having to deal with this, Sammy. I went through something similar 15 years ago and I'm still here. I hope you can find a way to continue on and hopefully have some hope for the future. Dealing with divorce and the financial strain that results from it is difficult but not impossible. It took ten years but my ex-wife finally remarried and that removed that financial burden from me. All I know to do is wish you the best possible.
ReplyDeleteHello Brian
ReplyDeleteI know I'm far from being unique, and that others, including yourself, have dealt with situations like mine. It's new to me, though, and I'm finding it hard going just now. But, like you, I'm still here, at least trying to find a way forward, if such exists. Thank you for your concern and kind words.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
I know all this hurts, Sammy. It has to. I have been through the hell of financial crisis and ruin, so I know what that is like, but never having had even a single long term relationship, I can't even imagine what the breakup of a marriage would be like, especially when a wonderful daughter is included. I hope and pray that you are able to soldier on, and eventually come to grips, and find peace.
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
DeleteIt's all very difficult, as you suggest. It's all the more painful and hard to accept because I've been damned for what I am rather than what I've done. Ultimately, though, it's my fault for my lack of honesty in the past, honesty with the world, but, even more, honesty with myself. As I said to Brian, I am still here and still looking for a solution. It's just that I don't yet know whether a solution that's viable for me is out there. Time will tell, no doubt.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B