Sad dog

I'm sure regular readers of this blog will be well aware that I have days when I feel revoltingly sorry for myself, and post accordingly. Today is one of those days. Switch off now if you've heard it all before. I really am totally fed up with the circumstances of my life. I've two more days off, before going back to 'stupid o'clock' starts on Sunday, back to a job and, with very few exceptions, a group of colleagues that I utterly despise (and who, I'm sure, feel the same way about me). I'm only still doing what I do because of my daughter, specifically for the good of her education, but even that justification is wearing pretty thin. Not because I don't care about her, she's absolutely the centre of my universe, but because, more than ever, what my sister-in-law said when I first split up with my ex, that there needed to be something in my 'new life' for me is, quite simply, a joke. There wasn't very much for me in my old life, but I could buy into the illusion that there was fulfillment in trying to provide for my family, at least to a point. But now, the absent positive, the knowledge that I'll never get what I want, in any foreseeable circumstances, is weighing me down almost to the extent of complete despair. I know most 'right-thinking' people would say that nothing and never is all I deserve. I'm sure they would feel better about themselves for thinking that, too. But then, they haven't had to live this life sentence, without hope of parole, since they were twelve years old.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B