And nor will writing about it, yet again, change anything. But I'm going to write, all the same. The lovely boys I see, as I stumble through the days of my benighted life, so close, close enough to touch, but always, always out of reach. It tears me up inside, every time. No, I don't want to have sex with all of them, or even close to that. I want to be friends, to be around them, to talk about their interests and doings, maybe get lucky enough to get an arm around the shoulder, or even a hug. That would be more than enough. But even that degree of connection seems as unlikely as my flying to the moon. How much longer can I bear this torturous lifestyle of mine? It's an open question.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Hello Sammy.
ReplyDeleteIf it is any consolation at all, with regard to this "torturous lifestyle" you speak of, it is comforting for me to learn, through reading your blog, that at least I am not alone. I can only speak for myself, but like most others in our situation, I find myself, by necessity, almost completelty isolated from other like-minded souls. Every day, for as long as I can remember, I've had to endure my own "torturous lifestyle". So just the fact that you are there, sharing your thoughts on this platform continues to be of immense help to me personally.
In any other situation, like-minded people would have no difficulty in connecting directly with each other. Not so for the likes of us, of course. Divide and conquer seems to be the order of the day, and, for the most part, that stategy seems to be working. How I long for the day when I could pick up the phone and call someone, or perhaps just spend some time with them. Maybe find, or offer, some support without the thought of big brother watching.
Warmest regards - Dave
Hello Dave
DeleteOne of the main aims of my blog, from its inception, was to help others in any way I could, so the fact that you find it helpful, in however small a way, is certainly gratifying. I have had, over the piece, maybe half a dozen comments and e-mails saying similar things, and I'm grateful for all of them. And you're right, of course, that it's very difficult to connect directly with others in the same situation, given the potentially disastrous consequences of being 'outed' - I've had one attempt at what I believe to have been entrapment in the lifetime of the blog, but, fortunately, the paranoia typical of those like us saved the day. Difficult it may be, but not impossible, I believe - I've met two fellow bloggers, albeit neither of them a boylover, and those encounters both went very well. Maybe a tad less risk aversion can be beneficial, sometimes.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B