D-i-v-o-r-c-e day, that is. As of around 10:00 this morning, I'm officially a single man again, after a couple of weeks short of 19½ years of marriage. I was at work when the deed was done, and I was really too busy to get overly stressed by the goings on 200 or so miles away in a Plymouth court, despite my fearing yesterday that I might end up having some sort of meltdown. Thinking about it rationally, who would have gained by my cracking up? No-one, as far as I can see. It certainly wouldn't have changed anything - my ex-wife, as she now is, had, with hindsight, decided within minutes, if not seconds, of my coming out to her in February that the marriage was over, and once she gets an idea in her head, it's virtually unshakable.
What none of the foregoing answers, though, is what I do now. The two things I want most are, in one case, as close to unobtainable as makes almost no difference, and in the other, could involve deeply upsetting, and possibly completely alienating, the one person I've now got left in my life to whom it really matters whether I live or die. I wish I had an easy answer, or even a relatively difficult one, rather than the intractable maze I seem to be trapped in at the moment.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
I'm so sorry, but at least the divorce is over with now. Perhaps you can take some comfort and stress a little less.
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
Hi Sammy;
ReplyDeleteLike Jay mentions, sometimes having that stressful "thing", whatever the "thing" may be, hanging over one's head brings about a great deal of anxiety, allowing a sense of relief upon the completion - even when the completion would seen a negative. I know it is going to be hard to find that new life, but it is out there - new interests, new people, new hopes.
I send my fondest hopes and thoughts out to you that your new life is one of constructive healthy relationships, laughter, and most of all, hope.
hugs!
Hello Jay & Randy
ReplyDeleteThank you for your concern - there are still things hanging over my head, mostly financial, but I guess that now that the legalities have finished, it's one less problem to confront. The 'new thing' isn't really there, though - the only way I would really want to go isn't available, and, as far as I can see, never will be. I re-read Optimal last night, and it has never felt more fictional, further from any glimmer of hope of life imitating art.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
I don't know if I should congratulate you or offer my condolences. So I won't do either, just wish you the best on what is next to come.
ReplyDeleteHello Ian
ReplyDeleteIt certainly wasn't what I wanted to happen, but I can see how, from my ex-wife's point of view, it had to happen, once I'd answered her fateful question honestly. Thank you for your good wishes, although quite what, as I said to Jay and Randy, will coalesce from the miasma remains to be seen. And thanks very much for becoming my latest follower, especially as my blog hasn't exactly been an uplifting place in recent times.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B