A misleading title, I guess, because none of them are in my life, in any direct way, but there are three boys who have caught my attention in a major way over the past few months. I've written about them individually, so this is a rehash, but, hey, it's my blog, and this is what I want to talk about.
'Little friend' - he's the youngest, maybe 8, and I've seen him regularly, with his family, in my local over the past three months, or thereabouts. He isn't, with apologies to him, especially cute, albeit he's far from being ugly, and he isn't, even to me, sexually attractive, or, indeed a sexual being at all in my eyes, he's simply too young even for an unreconstructed boylover like me to think of in that way. That said, he's the one, of the three, who actually makes me happy, albeit occasionally and fleetingly. How? Because, almost every time I've seen him, he's smiled at me. Just that. And I've smiled back, of course. Those moments of connection are, in the context of the person I am, inside, simply the best thing that ever happens to me. That probably sounds utterly pathetic, probably is utterly pathetic, but when the world won't countenance, even for a moment, allowing you to be yourself, it is, on present evidence, the best I can hope for.
Or is it? Dylan - he's 11, give or take, and lives (I think, I've never been able to pin the fact down definitively) in the same block of flats as me. He's absolutely all boy, full of energy and mischief. In fact, I get the impression he could actually be a bit of a brat, and a pain to be around. Except for one thing. He is, especially when he smiles, simply irresistible, just on the cusp of beginning the journey from boy to man. When I first saw him, just before my birthday, he had the biggest immediate effect on me since I first saw DBJ in 2006. Is he a sexual being yet? I've seen him once, in the communal garden downstairs, fooling around with his friends, pumping his hips in a thoroughly suggestive manner. The first stirrings of puberty, maybe? If I had the chance to find out, I'd find the temptation very hard to resist.
But then, there is another level. 'Next door but one cutie'. I saw him a few times a year or so ago, not long after I'd moved here, but then, ironically, given how close he lives, I didn't see him at all for months, basically the whole of last winter. And oh, how much he'd changed over those months. The chubby little boy of eighteen months ago replaced by a pubescent beauty. Still slightly overweight (yeah, I know, who am I to talk about being too heavy!), but totally, utterly beautiful. Maybe one of the four or five most beautiful boys I've ever seen, on a regular basis, at least. He's just finished his first year at senior school, so he'll be a teenager on his next birthday. And the hormones, in his case, are definitely beginning to flow, from things I've seen. To say that I find him desirable is the understatement of the year. I'd give up the rest of my life for an hour in his arms, without the least hesitation. But only, of course, if he wanted to. Which I can't imagine he ever would. Just like DBJ. So close, yet so far out of reach. The story of my benighted life.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
'Little friend' - he's the youngest, maybe 8, and I've seen him regularly, with his family, in my local over the past three months, or thereabouts. He isn't, with apologies to him, especially cute, albeit he's far from being ugly, and he isn't, even to me, sexually attractive, or, indeed a sexual being at all in my eyes, he's simply too young even for an unreconstructed boylover like me to think of in that way. That said, he's the one, of the three, who actually makes me happy, albeit occasionally and fleetingly. How? Because, almost every time I've seen him, he's smiled at me. Just that. And I've smiled back, of course. Those moments of connection are, in the context of the person I am, inside, simply the best thing that ever happens to me. That probably sounds utterly pathetic, probably is utterly pathetic, but when the world won't countenance, even for a moment, allowing you to be yourself, it is, on present evidence, the best I can hope for.
Or is it? Dylan - he's 11, give or take, and lives (I think, I've never been able to pin the fact down definitively) in the same block of flats as me. He's absolutely all boy, full of energy and mischief. In fact, I get the impression he could actually be a bit of a brat, and a pain to be around. Except for one thing. He is, especially when he smiles, simply irresistible, just on the cusp of beginning the journey from boy to man. When I first saw him, just before my birthday, he had the biggest immediate effect on me since I first saw DBJ in 2006. Is he a sexual being yet? I've seen him once, in the communal garden downstairs, fooling around with his friends, pumping his hips in a thoroughly suggestive manner. The first stirrings of puberty, maybe? If I had the chance to find out, I'd find the temptation very hard to resist.
But then, there is another level. 'Next door but one cutie'. I saw him a few times a year or so ago, not long after I'd moved here, but then, ironically, given how close he lives, I didn't see him at all for months, basically the whole of last winter. And oh, how much he'd changed over those months. The chubby little boy of eighteen months ago replaced by a pubescent beauty. Still slightly overweight (yeah, I know, who am I to talk about being too heavy!), but totally, utterly beautiful. Maybe one of the four or five most beautiful boys I've ever seen, on a regular basis, at least. He's just finished his first year at senior school, so he'll be a teenager on his next birthday. And the hormones, in his case, are definitely beginning to flow, from things I've seen. To say that I find him desirable is the understatement of the year. I'd give up the rest of my life for an hour in his arms, without the least hesitation. But only, of course, if he wanted to. Which I can't imagine he ever would. Just like DBJ. So close, yet so far out of reach. The story of my benighted life.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Unobtainable eye candy of any age is difficult to navigate. I see it every day. Drives me crazy! I get you, Sammy, 100%.
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
Delete'Next door but one cutie' is getting to be a bit more - maybe a lot more - than just eye candy. It's almost nine years since I first saw DBJ, but some of the feelings with this beautiful boy, living almost literally on my doorstep, are all too familiar.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B