Searching for the light

Any light, but it's stubbornly absent.
When I restarted the blog a few weeks back, I was determined to try and avoid posts awash with self-pity, but I really haven't been very successful in that aim. And days like today has been don't help at all. It
was all triggered, unsurprisingly, by another conversation with my wife - she rang me, for once - that rapidly descended into torturous realms. She hung up on me in the end, and I had no appetite to ring her back. It really left me feeling that there was little further to fall, and took me as close to the edge of the precipice as I've been in this whole process. In fact, even now, fourteen hours or so later, I'm still slightly surprised that I got through it and that I'm still here to write about it. The last straw I had to cling to, perhaps, was that of routine - I was on a late shift today, so I had the relatively mechanical process of getting ready for work in the following hour or so, and once I was actually there, I was busy enough to not think too much about anything else. Even by my own taciturn standards, though, I was noticeably uncommunicative in any but strictly job-related terms, to the extent that one of my colleagues made a comment about it. I just agreed with him - it was the easiest way, really, and he didn't feel the urge to follow up by asking me why I was so quiet, I'm pleased to say.
I've recovered a little from this morning's lows, but I really don't need too many more blows just now. A succession of days like today might just be more than I can cope with.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B