Tuesday 19 April 2016

Working my way towards zero

Since my marriage broke up, I've known that, sooner or later, I would end up on my own, even, to some extent, hastening the process by making no effort to find a new relationship (especially given that what I really want isn't available anyway) and by 'stepping back' from what friends and family I do have, not going out of my way to initiate contact with them. The exception, of course, has been my daughter. K has been by far the most important person in my life since well before the divorce, all the more so since I accidentally came out to her when she was 12. I have genuinely tried not to put any undue pressure on her, but it's been inevitable, given her central position in my world, that she's had to listen to more of my tales of woe than someone of her age should. And she's had enough of it, I strongly suspect. Her objections, voiced last night while we were having a meal in one of the 'alternative' Wetherspoons I've been using since the demise of my local were, typically for her, couched in a nice, thoughtful way, but were unmistakable nonetheless. She'll be off to uni in five months, give or take, and I'm going to redouble my efforts not to unload on her in the meantime. Once she's gone, she'll be out of the firing line. And I'll have to do what I should've been doing all along - coping with the consequences of forty-odd years of terrible decisions on my own.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

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