Saturday 28 February 2015

Halcyon days?

I guess that the theme of a songwriter reminiscing fondly about the days of their youth has probably been a staple since songs were first composed. Of late, though, one particular song of that nature has left me feeling - well, almost bitter each time I hear it, which is fairly often in recent weeks, given that it's high on the playlist of the radio station I listen to pretty much exclusively. The song is Wonder Days  by Thunder, and is a fairly obviously autobiographical trip back to the writer's teenage years. The reactions it elicits in me are, of course, no fault of the band or of Planet Rock, but it doesn't change the fact that my teens were, more or less in their entirety, bloody awful, a desperately painful and unhappy time in my life. I went into that period just discovering, or, maybe better realising, that I was 'queer', to use the pejorative most prevalent at the time, which was bad enough, as I saw it then, but worse was to come - by the time I 'escaped' into my twenties (which were really no better, but that's another story) I knew beyond certainty that I wasn't 'just' gay, but a boylover as well. So to hear someone singing about what a wonderful time they had isn't ever going to do much for me, in all honesty. It's just jealousy, I suppose, but rather than being jealous of an individual's circumstances, it's a more societal thing, born of the knowledge that most of my contemporaries 'fitted in', found a sense of belonging. Something I never did, and still don't.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

4 comments:

  1. But things are getting better. Despite the haters spewing regular overflows of hatred, we can get married, protections are expanding (in some places), and even with edge of the spectrum desires, one can fit in and live life!

    Peace <3
    Jay

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    Replies
    1. Hello Jay
      I agree that, in general terms, things are getting better for LGBT people, and quite rightly so. But being at my particular 'edge of the spectrum', it's not so easy. The only way I can 'fit in' is to stay completely hidden, never be myself, or as close to never as makes almost no difference. It is 'living', of a kind, but not the way I want to live. Not that I have a choice - the price of acting on my desires seems to be increasing by the day, to the point where recent sentences seem to smack of outright revenge, rather than anything resembling commensurate punishment.

      Love & best wishes
      Sammy B

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  2. Fine if you happen to fit in as one of the LGBT stereotypes, but I have to say, I've not seen any improvement. If anything, things have got worse, and I see no signs of things getting better. At least no in my lifetime.

    Kindest Regards - Dave

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    Replies
    1. Hello Dave
      As I've said a number of times in this blog, some LGBT individuals hate boylovers even more than the mainstream do, because they're terrified of being tarred with the same brush. It's all down to the ludicrous 'all paedos are gay, and all gays are paedos' meme that some of the haters espouse, and which some, even those on this side of the fence, who should bloody well know better, readily take on board. And I haven't the least expectation of things getting better in my lifetime, either.

      Love & best wishes
      Sammy B

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