Before I went to Manchester in September 2013, a weekend which came close, much closer than almost everyone realises, to being the end of everything, I had the feeling that it was a terrible idea, and that I should find an excuse to cancel. That feeling was partly based on a couple of things my cousin had said on the phone while we were planning the trip, along with a few things he'd said in previous conversations. And my gut feeling was right. I should've stayed away, accepted that he had changed, I had changed, that the interactions between us had turned sour. But I went anyway, my premonition was proved right, and the rest is very unhappy history.
Now, though, I'm getting the same feelings about meeting up with my friend who's over from Australia this coming weekend. I have a vivid mental picture of how he might react if the reasons for the demise of my marriage come to the surface, going back to events when we were both children - yes, even me, I was 11/12, and horribly ignorant, and, in many ways, just plain horrible. Yeah, sure, I could avoid the topic, but other people who will be around know. so lying certainly isn't an option. I can see myself losing most of the few friends I have left, and that's one of the less unpleasant potential outcomes. Once more, I find myself looking for a plausible reason to cancel. I don't know if I could cope with another epic disaster.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Now, though, I'm getting the same feelings about meeting up with my friend who's over from Australia this coming weekend. I have a vivid mental picture of how he might react if the reasons for the demise of my marriage come to the surface, going back to events when we were both children - yes, even me, I was 11/12, and horribly ignorant, and, in many ways, just plain horrible. Yeah, sure, I could avoid the topic, but other people who will be around know. so lying certainly isn't an option. I can see myself losing most of the few friends I have left, and that's one of the less unpleasant potential outcomes. Once more, I find myself looking for a plausible reason to cancel. I don't know if I could cope with another epic disaster.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
There is no reason to reveal that which is not pertinent, others being around not withstanding. "My marriage ended because of irreconcilable differences" is plenty when passing on that info. Why go further? It's a fucking personal question anyway, and truly no one's business but your own. And you're not lying. Believe me, there are times that I almost have to choke myself to make sure the mouth filter is working. But it can be done, and should be.
ReplyDeleteJay
Hello Jay
DeleteI'll go, no doubt, and simply hope it doesn't all come crashing down around my ears - again. And, yes, I know all about strangling yourself in frustration so as not to say anything unequivocal - I do it work, in particular, all the time.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
'at work'
DeleteSB