Pros and cons

It's sometimes said that history is a cyclical process, and it seems that the 'history' of my blog falls into that category, in the sense that I periodically arrive at the point where I am now. Wondering whether to carry on, or not, whether the advantages of writing about my thoughts and feelings, of trying to get stuff out of my system, are outweighed by the disadvantages of, at best, brooding about my situation, or, at worst, wallowing in self-pity. The fact that I find myself, more often than not, writing about variations on the same theme, my attraction to boys and society's reaction to the subject, serves only to underline, in my eyes, the futility of the exercise. It doesn't change anything in my 'real life', I'm still alone, with no realistic prospect of any movement on that front, and even if I did, by some miracle, find a young person willing to engage with me, I'd still be forever looking over my shoulder, waiting for society's judgement and vengeance to fall. Maybe the impending end of my night shift week, with its relentless work-travel-sleep-eat-travel-work cycle, might allow my horizons to broaden a little, renew my impetus to write, but, then again, maybe it won't. Whither goest thou, Quinquagenarian? Very much an open question at the moment.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B