....on a number 2 bus at 6:00 in the morning, even in Central London, but there he was. No ambiguity about legality, he was probably in his early twenties - and drop dead gorgeous, even to my boyloving eyes. As I've said more than once, I've got no discernible 'gaydar', but I'd be very surprised, given his attire and demeanour, if he was straight. Once I'd got my breath back, though, my mood collapsed into a miasma of pitiful inadequacy, the knowledge that someone like him would never be accessible to a fat old mess like me. And probably never would have been, even when I was his age, but, once more, I cursed my stupidity and cowardice for not even having tried to be myself back then, instead cravenly attempting to be what those around me expected. There's a scene in the film Papillon where the main character dreams of being charged and found guilty of 'a wasted life'. That's me, to a T.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
I can tell you it can happen. RB and I are going strong. Best relationship I've had in years. And years. Decades? Yeah.
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
DeleteI'm really, really pleased for you that you've found such a good friend, and I hope it continues for as long and in whichever way suits you both. But, even so, given the kind of person I am, and what I've wanted for so long, I can't see how anything comparable could ever happen to me. I'm sorry if that sounds like self-pity, because it's not meant to, just an exposition of the realities of my situation.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B