Deciphering - or failing to

I can't work it out. I'm just not good enough at decoding the signals. If they're signals at all. And with the waters muddied still further by my unholy combination of utter disbelief that anyone could ever want to be close to me, and desperate hope that one particular person might be the exception that proves the rule. Daniel is working tonight, and I've exchanged a few words with him. Including my telling him that I start nights tomorrow, and that I'll be out of circulation for a week. He seemed to be genuinely disappointed that he wouldn't be seeing me in the interim. But was that just wishful thinking on my part? If I say something unequivocal, but get rejected, I'll be gutted. If I prevaricate, and miss out on something I've wanted for so long, I'll be even more gutted. Why is my life such a fucking minefield?

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B