I can't get him out of my head. The boy I saw in the North London Wetherspoons just over a fortnight ago. I can barely even remember what he looked like, but I can't forget his smiles, those rare and precious moments of connection in the emotional wasteland that constitutes my so-called life. I have not the slightest expectation that I'll ever see him again, or that, even if I did, there would be any chance of a repetition of the tenuous bond between us, and, even in the vanishingly unlikely case that I could find a way of getting to know him better, he's too young anyway. Too young to even be a friend, in this paranoiac society we live in. If there was even a chink of light in the blackness of my situation, it might be easier to cope with. But there's none, and no prospect of any in any foreseeable future. Why do I bother to even try to carry on? I've no idea.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
You carry on because you are stronger than you think. Not to mention K. And I can't afford to lose any more friends, so you damn well better stick around!
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
DeleteI probably got over the immediate trough that led to this post within a couple of hours - I'm certainly on a more even keel now. What doesn't go away, though, even if I don't spend all my waking hours brooding on it, is the fundamental void in my life, the barrenness in an emotional sense. Because that is what this post is about - not sex, as some would assume, but the lack of companionship, of love, of the sort I'm looking for. Maybe it really doesn't exist, maybe 'never' is really the answer. I do appreciate the friendship that you, and a few others, are kind enough to show, though. Thank you.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
No matter your desires, at our age, I think that exact thought permeates those of us that are not in a relationship of some sort that goes beyond friendship, sexual or not. And always, Sammy, always.
DeletePeace <3
Jay