Yesterday's posts, needless to say, reflected my mood, which was rather dark. Darkness can illuminate sometimes, though, in this case perhaps in prompting me to accept something I've known from the start, but didn't want to believe. Namely that the word, that word, I've found so scary for so long has to be embraced, because if I don't, I could well end up ruining someone else's life. Knowing that what I want the most is always going to be out of reach is so difficult to contend with, but it has to be that way. There will never, can never be a boy in my life. Never.
1330 edit: And, with soul-destroying predictability, little more than half an hour after I'd written this post, not one, but two cuties, rubbing salt into the wound, completely inadvertently, of course, close enough to touch, but always, always out of reach.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
1330 edit: And, with soul-destroying predictability, little more than half an hour after I'd written this post, not one, but two cuties, rubbing salt into the wound, completely inadvertently, of course, close enough to touch, but always, always out of reach.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
So now it's time to find someone you can be with. Hard for me to offer advice, given that I am alone, with no prospects, but I'm refusing to give up hope. You shouldn't either.
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
DeleteAs I had David say in Alexandrine, my equation is never going to be resolved. Where x='what I want, but can't have', and y= 'what I could (potentially) have, but don't want', the only valid solution is x+y=0. That's why the acceptance of 'never' is so hard to swallow, but swallow it, with its consequence of my remaining alone, I must.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B