If I hadn't been lied to by my former manager on the concourse of Plymouth station six years or so ago, told that there was a possibility of a job near home when that possibility never existed, I could've moved to a better paid job much earlier than I did, maybe soon enough to have rescued our finances, the finances which, ultimately, were the catalyst for the 29/2/12 phone call that destroyed everything. Yes, the secret, the 'real me', would still have been there, still an accident waiting to happen, but I could still have been married, still living in a quiet cul-de-sac in Cornwall, even the poor bloody cat might still have been alive. Why, for fuck's sake, couldn't he have told me the truth? I feel like going and finding him, and beating his head against a wall. Not that it would solve anything, except to get the screaming frustration out of my system. How fragile it all was, how easily it all crumbled to dust. All gone. Forever.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
"Hindsight is the most useless commodity know to man". You have your wonderful daughter K. She's devoted to you. So all is not gone.
ReplyDeleteYou have the chance, as I have, to forge a new course. Have my basic desires changed? No. But I have channeled them into a rewarding relationship that fills holes in two lives.
I just wish you'd try.
Peace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
DeleteI'm pleased that you've found a place in your life that suits you. it is, as I've said before, absolutely what you deserve. What got under my skin last night, though, was that the 'second best' I already had was, in the sense of 'final nail in the coffin', destroyed by a deliberate and unnecessary lie. And a lie that was openly admitted to me shortly before I moved to my present job, by the other person present that day at the station, my ex-boss's boss, who I'd known for 25 years.
That aside, there won't be a 'new course' for me, because what I want is simply too far away from what 'society' is prepared to countenance, and what I could legitimately have is, in turn, too far away from anything I would find rewarding. Yes, I have K, for the moment, and that is certainly much better than what I had for the two years prior to last June, but that will come to its end fairly soon, when my girl goes her own way. What happens thereafter remains to be seen, but I strongly suspect it will involve only me.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B