Friday 10 April 2015

Outing

I went out for drinks with some of my work colleagues yesterday afternoon, around 'worktown'. From my point of view, it certainly went better than the previous version I'd attended, last autumn. Not least of the reasons was that the one person at work that I genuinely consider to be a friend rather 'just' a colleague was there this time, as well as a couple of others whose company I find more than averagely congenial. Perhaps the most interesting, and in many ways unexpected, attendee, though, was our newest recruit, who's only begun his training in the past few weeks after moving from a different part of the industry. He's a youngish guy, mid-twenties, and - he's openly gay, living with a long-term (considering his age) partner. Given one or two who were there, including the 'archbigot', I wondered what sort of reception he might receive, but, on the whole, it was surprisingly, and encouragingly, positive. I asked him (albeit couched humorously) whether he was being brave or foolhardy in seeking out the company of those who were there, to which he answered, quite reasonably, that he thought it was a good way to get to know some of his new workmates. As the afternoon progressed, and people became more 'mellow', there was even a kind of 'Q & A' session when he was asked (in some cases with almost childlike naïvety) about  'being gay'. I didn't, of course, say a word, but, not for the first time, one question in particular made me think about my own situation, namely the 'how old were you when you knew' question. His answer, 12 or 13, is exactly the same answer I would have given had I been asked. It almost, for a few seconds, made me feel like I wanted to throw off the mask, and say 'yeah, me too', but that second, unforgivable clause in any honest 'coming out' statement I might make - 'but I've never been attracted to a man in my life' - strangled the impulse at birth. For the squillionth time, I was left to ruefully ponder how vastly simpler, and almost certainly happier, my life would be if I was 'just gay'. Never going to happen, though, so, as ever, I've simply got to deal with it.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

4 comments:

  1. You mentioned things being simpler for those who are " just gay "
    I agree with you wholeheartedly. It's something I've said to myself so many times. Like me, you can probably remember the days prior to the legal changes of 1967 and 2001, when we were regarded as being part of the same fight. Not so these days. To quote from Tom Robinson's song:

    "The buggers are legal now, what more are they after ?"

    Well, with our support, they got most of what they were after, in terms of equality, etc.

    But now, having somewhat ascended on the ladder of respectability, by echoing the populist view they once fought against, they stamp on the very hands of anyone who attempts to climb the ladder after them.

    In this respect, I fear we are no further forward than we were in Victorian times

    Warmest regards - Dave

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Dave
      There's no doubt that many in the 'LGBT community' hate boylovers easily as much as any mainstream 'straight', because, in my opinion, they've bought into the ridiculous 'all gays are paedos' meme, and, as you suggest, because they want to score some 'brownie points' with that mainstream, and if we get thrown under the bus in the process, who cares? As far as anything resembling 'progress' for us goes, I've totally discounted the possibility - I've come to the conclusion that the trick is to live your life in the least worst way you can in spite of 'society', rather than hoping for any help or empathy from them. Cynical, fatalistic? Probably. But I am what I am, and all the hate in the world heaped upon my head won't change that. I might never get what I want, but I refuse to be ashamed of wanting it. As long as I don't knowingly hurt anyone, why should I be ashamed?

      Love & best wishes
      Sammy B

      Delete
  2. I would say that this is big news coming from your colleagues. I was talking to a church friend at a reunion a couple of summers ago, and he mentioned how surprised he was to find out as an adult that several of our youth choir members were gay, and that they were just like everybody else. I took my chances, and told him that I was, too. His jaw hit the ground, but I swear he had a true "learning moment"! (I will say that at 15, he was a fine looking guy, and I could easily have had a crush if there had been any sign he was anything but straight!)

    And you are right, there is no empathy, no understanding, not even sympathy (not that sympathy is desired).

    We can't change what we are. Sorry, haters.

    Peace <3
    Jay

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hello Jay
      I was certainly surprised at the degree of, if not exactly acceptance with open arms, at least 'live and let live' that the 'new boy' received. The 'archbigot' hasn't had much to say to him, but he hasn't said too much about him, either, unlike some other targets of his ire. I'm sure, as you suggest, that once the haters actually get to know those they've learnt to despise, and find that they're just people, rather than stereotypes, the basis for their animosity dissolves pretty rapidly. Well - in most cases, anyway. I'm not holding my breath for that, or any, degree of acceptance to be heading in the direction of me and my ilk any time soon.

      Love & best wishes
      Sammy B

      Delete