The flat was an internet-free zone last night - a network issue with my mobile broadband - so some of this is yesterday's news, but here goes, anyway. For some time, K has been angling for me to 'help her' pay for a trip this summer - i.e., I pay for it, because she hasn't got any money! I've been stalling her for a while, waiting to see how the financial outgoings for the flat would pan out, but after a substantially lower than expected water bill, I reckon I can come up with the requisite funds. So, as long as the accommodation arrangements come together - there's an online friend (definitely bona fide) involved - my girl and one of her YouTuber friends will be heading to the US of A, Denver to be exact, in July. To be fair to K, the fact that she hasn't got the money to pay at least part of her way herself isn't entirely her fault - she and a schoolfriend had planned to go to New York as a sort of post-exams present to themselves, and K had been saving for eighteen months, getting a fair amount of money together, but then the friend dropped out around Christmas, because she hadn't saved any money at all, her parents refusing to bail her out. K then rather frittered away her savings, before the new plans began to be aired a couple of months back. The 'state of the nation' is such that I'm not taking too much of a risk in promising K the money, although it will put a bit of a dent in our 'strategic reserve'. There's overtime available at work, though, if I want to do it (which, to be honest, I don't very much), especially as we head into the 'holiday season', so I can make good the depredations, all being well.
And then there's Daniel. There was Ben, the cute barman at 'domicile-ville' Wetherspoons, and now there's another cutie at my new local. I would guess that he's not quite 18, because doesn't seem to be able to serve at the bar, his duties consisting of waiting on tables and washing-up instead, from what I can see, but I'm 99.9% certain he's legal. And he's smiled at me more than once over the few times I've seen him. It's probably just a 'professional' smile, keeping the punters happy, and all that, but I can daydream, can't I?!
Some daydreams are darker than others, though, and serve to remind me that I need to keep myself isolated from temptation - the boy at the local bus station this afternoon was certainly cute, but he was only barely pubescent, and I can't envisage any scenario where being involved with someone like him wouldn't end in disaster, for all concerned. Staying away is the way I can see of guaranteeing that I'll continue to be 'good'. I wish it was otherwise, because I genuinely like boys, and enjoy their company, as well as being sexually attracted to them, but the potential consequences of the latter mean that for everyone to stay safe, I have to sacrifice the former. A ragged hole in my life, but one I just have to come to terms with.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
And then there's Daniel. There was Ben, the cute barman at 'domicile-ville' Wetherspoons, and now there's another cutie at my new local. I would guess that he's not quite 18, because doesn't seem to be able to serve at the bar, his duties consisting of waiting on tables and washing-up instead, from what I can see, but I'm 99.9% certain he's legal. And he's smiled at me more than once over the few times I've seen him. It's probably just a 'professional' smile, keeping the punters happy, and all that, but I can daydream, can't I?!
Some daydreams are darker than others, though, and serve to remind me that I need to keep myself isolated from temptation - the boy at the local bus station this afternoon was certainly cute, but he was only barely pubescent, and I can't envisage any scenario where being involved with someone like him wouldn't end in disaster, for all concerned. Staying away is the way I can see of guaranteeing that I'll continue to be 'good'. I wish it was otherwise, because I genuinely like boys, and enjoy their company, as well as being sexually attracted to them, but the potential consequences of the latter mean that for everyone to stay safe, I have to sacrifice the former. A ragged hole in my life, but one I just have to come to terms with.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
You ought to come with her, and ditch her in DC, come south, and spend a few days here! I'd love to host you!!!
ReplyDeleteAnd hey, legal is legal. I love legal. If Daniel is smiling, especially out of hte side of his mouth...well...at least chat him up. What's wrong with being a punter who is nice to the help?
Peace <3
Jay
Hello jay
DeleteHaving committed to paying for K's trip, there's no chance at all I'll be going anywhere much this summer - it's the Costa del Middlesex for me! I certainly appreciate the offer, though.
Given that he works in my new local, I'll almost certainly come across Daniel again (maybe even today!), and, if the opportunity arises, I'll see if I can engage him in conversation of some sort. I can't imagine ever being more than a 'punter', but, like I said, I can dream - or is that fantasise!
Love & best wishes
Sammy B