Acceptance, in the sense of how an individual relates to others, to society as a whole, is, it seems to me, a slippery concept. Humans are a social species, and most people want to fit into the pattern somewhere, even relatively misanthropic types like me. What cost, though, is worth paying to become, or remain, a member of the 'in-group'? I've said, on several previous occasions, that I'd carry on with this blog even if no-one read it, but, having, over the past week or so, published what might be called, in a loose sense, 'advocacy' posts, trying to make a case that those with my sexual orientation are not automatically evil, predatory potential rapists, and having been met with almost complete silence and a still further falling off of my already thin readership, maybe that assertion, that I'm not concerned about readership, with its implicit signals of approval or disapproval, isn't true after all. Not that I've been actively dishonest hitherto, but maybe mistaken, and that I do care, at least to a point, about what others think of me. What isn't clear to me, though, is what to do about it. I can't renounce my sexuality, because it's intrinsic, not some kind of eccentric 'choice' I've made, so it seems to me that, in the context of cyberspace, the only options I have are to continue on the path I've followed up to this point, of being honest about my thoughts and feelings, perhaps at the risk of being totally ostracised and ignored, or to lapse into silence on the subject, and give up a substantial portion of the raison d'être of the blog. And, perhaps, losing a portion of my individuality into the bargain. I remember saying to my cousin, at a time when I was very deeply in love with him, that I was willing to give him anything - except my individuality. Maybe that remembrance might answer my question, in a way - if I wasn't prepared to compromise my sense of myself to the person who, arguably, has been the greatest love of my life, then why would I compromise to persuade a few people to read my blog? Framed in that way, the question is a no-brainer, really.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
You should never give up your individuality. You might not be able to trumpet what makes you a special individual, thanks to the societal norms you have spoken about many times before, but that doesn't change the fact that you are who you are, and trying to change it will never succeed.
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
DeleteI don't think there was ever any real likelihood of giving up my individuality, more a question of whether I should carry on talking about these issues, or allow the disapproval of others to tempt me towards 'self-censorship' and making the blog more anodyne. On balance, being true to myself, as you suggest, is decidedly the better path to follow, so long as I can carry on doing so without putting my family into any sort of jeopardy.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hi Sammy;
ReplyDeleteFirst; I guess I need to do a mia culpa -- I have a tendency to read you blog on the weekends, when I'm off work and can actually see and think a bit more clearly. So, I will try to visit more often.
Second; I love your blog. Not because I always agree with what you write - I don't think you want a 'yes-man' type of readership - but because I love how you write what you believe even though you know that it might not be agreed with by others. That takes marbles, my friend.
Third; your take on things from 'across the pond' helps me to see things differently. I need that perspective.
So, having said all that, no matter what you will always have at least one reader - one who loves your individuality and uniqueness.
Speak on, my friend. Let your voice be heard!
hugs and my best thoughts to you;
randy
Hello Randy
DeletePlease don't think you have any reason to 'apologise' in any way, or feel any obligation to read my blog by the hour. I'm genuinely appreciative of those, like yourself who not only visit the blog, but take the time to comment.
You're right in saying that having people slavishly agree with me is nowhere on my list of ambitions - I remember saying some months ago that if someone wanted to suggest that I was an evil monster who deserved nothing better than castration with a blunt penknife, they were quite welcome to say just that, as long as it was an honest opinion - although any such hypothetical commenter would also have to accept my fighting my corner just as robustly!
As far as expressing my honest opinion is concerned, I hope that's what I'm going to be able to continue to do - ultimately, having put myself 'out there', albeit pseudonymously, for almost two years now, there seems to be little point in carrying on if I'm not going to tell the truth, or at least the version of the truth that I see from my perspective.
Thank you for your kind words and your continued interest in my blog.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B