I've spent quite a while this evening trying to write a post about a phenomenon I've noticed of late, but I can't get the words to come together. Maybe it's not so much that anything has changed recently, more an admission on my part of something I've known all along, but haven't wanted to be true, haven't been able to concede, even to myself. Something that would make me even more hateful, to the world at large, certainly, but also in terms of my own self-esteem, or lack of it. I feel like I would imagine the stereotypical first time Alcoholics Anonymous member would feel, waiting to be invited to stand up and admit to their affliction in front of their peers. But there is no-one else with me, to listen and empathise and support, just me sitting in an empty room with the keyboard on my lap, typing these words. And skating around the issue. Again.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
It is a difficult spot to be in. I think I've broached this before, but is there any type of therapy or counselor you could consult, at least to have someone confidential in whom to confide that might be able to help you accept yourself and the way things are?
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
Sammy
ReplyDeleteI don't know what you might be talking about, but I'm fairly sure, from all that you have said up to now, that you would not deliberately or recklessly hurt anyone. Anything else that you might do, and anything that you think, whether or not you act on it, I can accept. If you would like to talk, please get in touch.
Take care
Mark
Hello Jay & Mark
ReplyDeleteIn practical terms, nothing has changed, I suppose - it's just a matter of self-control. In psychological terms, it's rather more problematic. But most problems have a solution, and I'll have to do my best to find one.
Thank you both for your customary concern - it's much appreciated.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B