Thursday 5 January 2012

Risking the consequences

I saw something last night that has given me pause for thought. I was reading some posts on a message board, by and for those with my predilections, which I occasionally read, but that I've never participated in, when one particular thread caught my attention. A boylover who seems to be fortunate enough to have a loved boy in his life had posted about recent events in their relationship, no references, of course, to anything salacious, saying that he felt his life was going well at the moment. One of the respondents asked the poster why he was putting his happiness at risk by talking about it in a public forum and thus raising the possibility, however small, of his being identified. The response included the statement 'they (the authorities/haters) will be out to destroy you, even if you've done nothing illegal (my emphasis)'. And that would almost undoubtedly be the outcome, if the man and his boy were 'outed', given the oft-mentioned hysteria about cross-generational relationships that appertains nowadays.
It's made me think, again, about whether this blog is a good idea, or not. My blog has the advantage of not being widely read, but there are more than enough clues here, if family or friends stumbled upon it, to give away my 'real' identity. What might the consequences be of any such revelation? Mostly personal, I would guess, losing my marriage, possibly losing access to my daughter for the next few years, until she reaches (legal) adulthood, possibly losing my job, either directly, by the company deciding I'm 'bringing them into disrepute', or indirectly, by my colleagues refusing to work with a 'paedo', losing friends and contact with family (such as they are). Given the benefits my blog brings, is it worth the risk? I have already, as I said recently, had one seeming attempt to 'out' me, presumably inspired by moral disapproval. The outcome of any 'cost/benefit analysis' I might make about whether to carry on are not immediately obvious to me, I have to say. Should I stay here, and take the chance, should I scrap this blog and start again with a different, and more deeply anonymised 'avatar', or should I give up altogether, and crawl back under the stone? I don't know at the moment.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

2 comments:

  1. I understand your predicament, Sammy. I just hope that if you do decide to start over, you hang onto your friends' email addresses so you can let us know where you move to.

    Peace <3
    Jay

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  2. Hello Jay
    Trying to think about this rationally, my blog runs at an average of around 30 pageviews a day, most from within the small group of loyal readers like yourself. The chances of any 'real life' acquaintances finding it, and then deciding that they're so outraged that they're going to shout my iniquities from the rooftops aren't, if I'm being sensible, very high. Probably the biggest risk is of my wife coming across it, either through my own carelessness, or through my daughter, who, of course, already knows. So, on balance, the risk I'm running is pretty negligible, really.
    I have, as an aside, got a little text file containing a few e-mail addresses, which I made quite some time ago in case my blogs fell foul of the 'powers-that-be' and were deleted, so I would, hopefully, be able to keep in touch in the event of this blog disappearing, for whatever reason.

    Love & best wishes
    Sammy B

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