But it's going to be a rant, mostly by me, about me. I apologise in advance if it's all too predictable and tedious.
The highpoint was high - at Waterloo station, just before midday, I saw the most spectacularly beautiful boy since I first saw DBJ in 2006, and he was very like my inamorato from Cornwall, too, but the high was brought crashing down by the fact that the boy concerned was more or less the same age as DBJ was that first time, around 8 or 9. As ever, he could never, indeed should never, be my boy, and I'm just left feeling filthy and worthless for having the thoughts I had about him. There's nothing more to say, really. The tipping point towards Plan B isn't too far away.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Sammy
ReplyDeleteYou have no choice in what you want, so, rationally, there is no reason for you to feel bad about it - no matter what the tabloid press might say. You do have a choice in what you do about it, and on those grounds I think you have a lot to feel good about. You have controlled what you want, or arranged to avoid situations where you were concerned you might have difficulty with that control. So I can't see why "Plan B" should be justified in any way.
Take care
Mark
I think Mark covers what I was going to say, so I'll simple concur and send {HUGS}!
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
Hello Mark & Jay
ReplyDeleteThere was a considerable amount of alcohol talking last night, but, in vino veritas, maybe. It's easy to maintain control on the concourse of a busy railway station with hundreds of people around, and the boy was with his mother, anyway, but it's easy for me to envisage circumstances where that control would evaporate. Actions, as you rightly say, are what matter. The problem is, I can't guarantee my actions will always be benign.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hi there, Sammy
ReplyDeleteI don't think any of us can absolutely guarantee that our actions will always be benign: we all have limits to our self-control, and to our ability to avoid situations that will take us beyond those limits. Nevertheless, most of us do pretty well almost all of the time, and I would certainly include you in that.
Take care
Mark
Hello Mark
DeleteIt's superfluous, obviously, to say that I'm in a very uncomfortable place at the moment. Given how close I've been in the past to losing my self-control, and knowing what the consequences might have been, I have to say that you have more confidence in me than I have in myself. I hope, of course, that you're right and I'm wrong.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B