Two today!

My second blogaversary! It only seems like yesterday, and all that. I read the post I wrote a year ago today, which turned out to be a longish, borderline rambling effort about where I felt I was in my life. And, as I said in similar circumstances at New Year, when I compared my life position to the beginning of 2011, it doesn't seem that very much has changed, so I have no intention of going over the same ground again.

What I have been thinking about, though, is one element of my motivation for starting a blog in the first place, of how a blog might 'help', both me in dealing with the issues in my life, and others in being able to offer support and empathy based on my life experiences. It seems to me that the blog has largely failed in both of those linked aspects, to the extent that, as little as two days ago, I was seriously considering this anniversary post being my last, in the wake of what appeared to be a fairly bland, but supportive comment I'd left on a blog I'd recently come across having failed the 'moderation' stage. 24 hours later, it had appeared on the blog concerned, so I'm sorry for having jumped to the wrong conclusion, but it did set this 'helping' train of thought in motion. Over the course of my two years in Blogland, I've received two or three e-mails from people who have said my blog, or comments I've left, have helped them in some way. One and a half a year doesn't really strike me as being a very good average, even for someone who has no pretensions to being an 'agony uncle', or anything similar. And I haven't even helped myself to any appreciable extent - as I said, nothing much has changed in my life, I'm still closeted and conflicted about my sexuality, as though I've been able to lay out the 'bones' of my situation, but don't have the slightest idea about what to do next, how to apply what I've learned to make life flow more congenially. Maybe I'm just suffering from unreasonable expectations of what my blog, or any blog, is able to achieve. 

What I am thankful for, though, is the input of people who have tried, often, seemingly, in the face of my ingratitude and stubborn refusal to cooperate, to help me over the past two years. Even if I seem to be a hopeless case, I do genuinely appreciate the care and concern that has been offered. Thank you all.

Love & best wishes to all

Sammy B