A cautionary tale

From my own subconscious, no less. I had one of the more vivid dreams of my recent past overnight, and it's illustrated that, even if I try to convince myself otherwise, sometimes - 'the boy on the bus', and all that - I know, if I'm honest with myself, what my future realistically holds. The dream involved a family - not one I recognised as having real-life analogues - I'd somehow befriended, including two brothers, 12-ish and 8-ish. Little bro was childishly affectionate and cuddly, but it was big bro who my dream self was drawn to. Not sexually, though, but wanting nothing beyond love and cuddles. When I did eventually get to hug him, though, he called it 'homo', and shied away. I was left to make abject apologies to him and his family, the dream ending with me looking down on him at a bus stop, as if I was in a helicopter, my heart aching. A psychological truth being told, I think - in this day and age, even friendship, never mind anything more, with a boy is out of my reach forever. That realisation hurts like hell, but if I believe anything else, it's simply delusion.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B