Friday 4 November 2011

Not happy

I'm not happy to be here. So I've been told this evening. Told, not asked. Well, actually, I'm thoroughly happy to be here. What I'm not happy about is being treated like the root of all evil, like everything I say or do is wrong. Especially what I say. And I'm not happy, while all this is going on, about still having to pretend I'm something I'm not. I'm so close to saying 'I'm gay, I'm a boylover. Take it or leave it.' If it wasn't for the effect it would have on my daughter, I can't see any way I wouldn't say it. There comes a point when it all becomes totally insupportable, and that point isn't that far away.
On the whole, I'd be far happier to sweep DBJ into my arms and spirit him away to some paradise island while he's still in my AoA. But as that's never going to happen, in this universe, at least, I'm willing to compromise and try to make the best of where I am. But that compromise is constantly being undermined. And I don't know how much more of it I can tolerate.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

2 comments:

  1. Aw, Sammy, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I know you and your wife are under a lot of stress, but it sure would be nice if for the little time you are home, you could just be happy (or at least left alone).
    Peace <3
    Jay

    ReplyDelete
  2. Hello Jay
    Thanks for your support. There isn't an easy answer, because if there was, I'd act on it. Keep on keeping on, as usual, I guess.

    Love & best wishes
    Sammy B

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