I'm in one of my periodic 'shall I, shan't I' moods about the blog. Most of the time, I feel positive about blogging and what I get out of it, and want to persevere, but then these dips, jitters, whatever you want to call them, creep up on me and make me wonder why I carry on. This one is more mysterious, in that I've had a small, but significant upturn in the interest in the blog, so I can't claim to be feeling neglected, and I've also been able to write regularly and reasonably fluently, albeit that I haven't come up with any devastatingly sparkling insights. Apart from the little hiccup at the beginning of last month, when I got myself upset over something I should have been more mature about, I haven't even had any emotional troubles. So why am I thinking of walking away, as it were? Maybe there isn't really any logic or reason to these things, just feelings that come and go without much connection to 'real life', whatever that cypher signifies.
Maybe if I could make at least a tiny ripple with my fiction writing it might help - I know most of the stories that have appeared in 'Cuckoos' recently have been short and self-indulgent, and that's down to me. I have been working, intermittently, on a more substantial piece, but it keeps stalling. I did think of 'bolting on' a chunk of plot from another unfinished story, but hybrids are often not all that robust, so I don't know whether it would be a good idea. More uncertainty. I need a good kick up the backside, I think.
This isn't a feeling I'm used to, really. I have my up moments, and down times, but this kind of 'stuck in the middle, stuck in neutral' prevarication isn't usually my thing. Getting vague in my old age, maybe.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Oh Sammy. You just expressed my thoughts, only a billion times more beautiful than I possibly can put it in writing myself.
ReplyDeleteBut for the basic question. Why. As long you feel you have something out of it... one way or another... you definitely shouldn't stop. Maybe a break to gain a few perspectives if needed, but please don't stop. I'd definitely miss you and your amazingly put thoughts.
Love
Daniel
Hello Daniel
ReplyDeleteThank you for your encouraging words. One of the main things I get from blogging is the sense of being part of a community, of connecting, however tenuously, with other people, in other places, and your kind comment is a perfect example of that phenomenon.
And as far as my expression of my thoughts is concerned, I have a big advantage over you, and one I never forget - I'm writing in my mother tongue. If I could write in Swedish 1% as well as you can in English, I'd be thoroughly proud of myself. As you should be of yourself.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Sammy,
ReplyDeleteI just keep thinking back to one of your posts where you mentioned what I think is one of the biggest reasons we all blog: it's a place to get it all out, as anonymously as you wish, and that can be so cathartic. I don't think you have to be profound, or wise, or provocative...I do think you have to be you. That's why we keep coming back to read your words, and express our feelings about them. I hope you stick around!
Peace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
ReplyDeleteThe oddest thing about how I was feeling when I wrote this post, compared to other occasions when I've thought about binning the blog, is that I'm in a pretty calm place, emotionally, at the moment. That being said, there's little chance that it will actually happen, unless something unforeseen crops up - even when I was absolutely determined never to darken the doors of Blogland again, earlier this year, I only managed to stay away for 5 days. I think cyberspace is stuck with me for a while yet.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B