My wife and I are still pretty much bumping along the bottom. Nothing much was said this morning before my wife went out to work, and not much more was said when she got back again late this afternoon. It seemed to me that she wanted to disregard what had happened last night, to pretend that nothing was wrong. I don't think that's possible, though, given what was said - at the very least, some discussion, as far as I was concerned, was needed. That discussion came after our evening meal, and didn't go very well. In a nutshell, it came back to the position my wife has taken before in similar circumstances - if I don't like it, I'm a 'free agent', and can choose what to do. Take it or leave it, in other words. I turned the proposition round, and said she had the same choices, which, of course, she has. At the end of the day, my perception is that she wants an easy life, and when she has to make any sort of effort, to come out of her comfort zone, she resents it. I still don't know where we're gong to go - maybe the immediate crisis has passed, but we're far from reaching a resolution yet.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Sammy
ReplyDeleteBased on what you've said, I think that your wife may well have no choice but to come out of her comfort zone - it's just a question of when and how. She can do it in a reasonably controlled and civilised way, by engaging in serious discussion with you about your marriage, or in a much more abrupt and uncertain way, if you decide that you've had enough. I would guess that even considering this is also outside her comfort zone at the moment.
I might be tempted to ask her what she would do if you walked out, and whether the alternative, of treating you as an equal in your marriage, is actually so bad.
Take care
Mark
Hello Mark
ReplyDeleteAll of what I'm writing about this is from my perspective, needless to say, and my wife, no doubt, would have her own views. She doesn't appear to think she's done anything wrong hitherto, and any suggestion of my leaving is met by the 'you're a free agent' kind of comment. It may come to my facing a 'put up or shut up' scenario - if I don't like it, I may have to walk. Rational, civilised discussion would be nice, but it just seems to end when I say the first thing she doesn't agree with. But, as I say, she would probably say the same of me. It's all rather difficult and stressful just now.
On a lighter note, I'm just about to write a little post that might interest you.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B