More introspection in the last hour or so, partly about yesterday morning's encounter, but more directly catalysed by a different boy this afternoon, a much younger boy. He was with a friend in the garden area outside my window while his little brother had a swimming lesson in the pool across the way. Just for a moment, a 'What if....?' question crossed my mind, about what might happen if I found myself alone with him. I say, often, that I would never become involved with such a young boy - he was 9 or 10, at a guess - but is that claim more to do with helping me to live with myself than reality? Am I guilty just for allowing such thoughts to surface, even if I don't act on them? What would I do in the face of opportunity, of temptation? I wish I knew the answers. I like to believe I possess a sense of morality, a sufficient degree of self-control, but, to paraphrase Orwell, the horror is that I might be wrong.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
I think a large part of your answer, and the way I perceive you (remember how well we know each other!), is in the last sentence, first phrase: "...I possess a sense of morality, a sufficient degree of self-control..." If we don't we are in deep trouble. I don't have any doubts, Sammy!
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
ReplyDeleteThe first clause of the sentence you quote is more significant, from my perspective - 'I like to believe'. The problem I have is not knowing, not for sure, anyway, whether I could resist temptation. It's kind of you to say you don't doubt my capacity to resist, and I hope you're right, but I'd be lying if said I was convinced that I could, in any and all circumstances.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B