Pawn

I'm not entirely sure of my ground, but, after a couple of phone calls yesterday, it seems to me that my ex doesn't want K to move up to London next year, and is trying to apply some pressure on the girl as a result. I only ended speaking to my ex because I couldn't get hold of K on her mobile while I was on my break at work yesterday evening - it transpired that she'd gone out to a barbecue - and the conversation centred around K. It soon took a disquieting turn - my ex said that K was stressed 'by everything that's going on', and that her schoolwork was suffering as a result. She also said 'whatever K decides to do, someone is going to be disappointed'. The later call, when I eventually spoke to K after I'd finished work, made it obvious that K had heard something very similar from my ex recently - in other words, my ex has made it known to K, more or less subtly, that she would be upset if the girl did move up here. I did my best to make it clear to both of them that I certainly wouldn't be 'disappointed', in the sense the word is being used here, if K ultimately chooses to stay at home. When K first mentioned the possibility of doing her A-Levels somewhere other than the school she currently attends, over a year ago, I immediately advised her to stay where she was - her school is the fifth best performing state school in the whole country, by the latest 'league tables', so she could hardly find anywhere else that she'd get a better education - and, a couple of months ago, when she seemed to be settling into a long-term relationship with her boyfriend, I'd more or less completely discounted the possibility of her wanting to move. It was K herself that revived the subject, when she was staying with me for 'Summer in the City' last month. It certainly wasn't through me putting any kind of pressure on her. I have to admit that I would enjoy having K around, and having something more akin to a proper home again, but what's important here is my daughter's overall welfare, in terms of her home life, personal life and her education. Wherever that objective is best met is where she should be. I've said to K that the subject of her moving won't be raised, by me, at least, until I see her at half term, at the end of next month (I probably won't see her in the interim, unless something unexpected crops up), and that she should try her best to keep her school standards up, because this, her GCSE year, is one of the most important waypoints in her education as a whole. Without wishing to seem as though I'm being bitter, my ex can be an emotionally needy person, but for her to, as it appears to me, manipulate our daughter's emotions because she doesn't want to be on her own is both troubling and, potentially, anger-inducing. Our dealings since the split, certainly those involving K, have been almost completely amicable, but if my ex decides that she can use our daughter like a pawn in some game, I'm afraid that is likely to change very rapidly.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B