For no especially good reason, but when has lack of motive ever been inhibitory to my moods? I've spent a good chunk of the day feeling quite agitated, in a taut way, as though it wouldn't take much for me to really snap, and chew someone's head off. Maybe it's the 'time off rapidly coming to an end' scenario, maybe it's the fact that my wife is still being lined up for being elbowed out of her job, and is herself swinging between anger and low spirits, maybe it's just the general miasma of our lousy situation. Who knows?
Following on from yesterday's non-discussion on a religious theme (if a lack of communication can have a theme), I mentioned my 'dystopia' story idea to my wife this evening, a story which I now think might be expandable into a longer format. Without giving too much away, one of the proposed plot elements is the fallout from a fundamentalist Christian becoming US president, and the possible consequences of an aggressively theocratic American foreign policy. For once, my wife didn't just switch off, but, instead asked me why I had 'changed since we got married' as far as my attitude towards religion goes. My answer was that I don't think it has changed - I've been an atheist since I was 13 or 14 - but maybe I'm more inclined to fight the 'disbelieving corner' than I have been in the past. Or maybe it's just that I'm angry.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Hi Sammy;
ReplyDeleteI can imagine that you and your wife would have difficulty over this issue of religion. How we consider the existence of God(s) can directly influence our views on other topics, such as cause/effect, hope, love, etc. I can imagine that it's a stumbling point for you as a couple. I bet you've found ways of working around it, though.
Scottie and I differ on our beliefs, but find that we have a common cause... he is a humanist, I guess, believing in the best of humanity. I find that fits my religious views quite well.
I think that having a "higher" hope, such as Scotties or mine, helps when we see such devastating effects of man. Still, sometimes I look about me in anger and just want to fight. It's almost like I need to hurt that which is hurting me. But, won't help. I guess mostly I'm just angry with myself for not being where I want to be.
Well, I don't know if this touches on anything you are going through...I just wanted to say that I hear you, that I've been angry too. I hope your anger is more productive than mine has ever been.
hugs;
randy.
oops...I should point out, Scottie and I are friends, and that our relationship is far different than that of a couple. Sorry, that sentence was misleading. -randy
ReplyDeleteHello Randy
ReplyDeleteAs I said in yesterday's post, my wife and I haven't had a problem with our differing beliefs until recently, and, in the overall scheme of things, it's not a 'showstopper', in any case.
Being an atheist might, I concede, have a considerable influence on my views on cause and effect, but I don't see any reason why it should affect my capacity for hope, love, empathy, or, indeed, anger. To coin a slogan, 'You don't need God to be good'. And 'having God', on the evidence that I see, is absolutely no guarantee of not being bad. For supposedly 'loving' entities, there seems to be a surfeit of hate in most, if not all, organised religions.
I read Scottie's blog fairly often, by the way, as well as yours, so there's no confusion, as far as I'm concerned, about your relationship.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hi Sammy;
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to have my words imply that your capacity for love, hope, empathy, etc... is different. I meant only that there can be a difference of how those feelings are attributed. I am finding the words hard to detail. As you know Scottie's beliefs, and much of my writing, a belief in God does not guarantee those things by any stretch, but I was just saying that the belief does color things, or maybe it just should. Me personally, I believe in Christ, I don't believe in Christianity...
oh, and I knew you are aware of who we both are...but others might not and reading over things I found my words misleading.
I need to go. Hugs my friend. I'm sorry if my fumbled words implied anything other than what I know to be true: you are a wonderful person. Be well....
randy.
Sammy,
ReplyDeleteI don't know, and maybe I'm overstepping my bounds here, and I know I'm overstepping my own advice on giving advice, but I honestly think you and/with your wife need to find a qualified therapist and open some lines of communications with him or her. Individually and together. Continuing to slide towards the edge of an abyss without even grabbing for a lifeline is only counter-productive to anything that resembles a positive outcome. And remember, besides you two, there's that wonderful daughter who will (if she is not already) suffering from the tension which must be palpable.
I'm sure you know this, and I'm sorry if I'm speaking out of turn.
Peace <3
Jay
Hello Randy
ReplyDeleteI seem to have come across as more belligerent than I intended, and I'm sorry for that. There's no excuse for me inflicting my anger and frustration on you, or anyone else. I'll do my best not to make the same mistake again.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hello Jay
ReplyDeleteOddly enough, my wife and I have got along pretty well over the last week and a half that I've been at home. As I said to Randy, there's nothing about this atheist vs believer issue that I see as being likely to prove terminal to our relationship. In the current scheme of things, 'marriage guidance' isn't very high on our list of priorities, although I'm not saying that it's something we'd never consider.
As far as you 'speaking out of turn' is concerned, the thought never crossed my mind. I'm more than happy to accept your comments in the caring spirit that I have no doubt that they're intended.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Oh, no Sammy;
ReplyDeleteI didn't take any belligerence...is that a word? Anyway, saw no belligerent attitude. Sammy, I am tripping over myself...we have been friends for a while, don't need to be so careful do we? You know how I feel about you...and I treasure your friendship.
Dang...is this hole just getting deeper?...
Think it will rain today? -----
hugs and all my best wishes!
randy.
Hello Randy
ReplyDeleteI don't think there's anything to fall out about - at least, I hope not. It's just that I was pretty wound up when I originally wrote the post, and still somewhat so when I wrote my first reply to you, and I didn't want you to think I'd gone 'on the attack'. As you say, there's no need for us to fall over each other in misunderstanding.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B