Tuesday, 11 December 2012

Shorn

After weeks, if not months of prevarication, I finally did it at lunchtime today. I actually walked into a barber's shop and had my hair cut. Needless to say, it was all pretty painless, over and done in a few minutes, and left me feeling decidedly tidier. Why it took so long for me to bite the bullet and do it, though, is an interesting psychological conundrum - I do have a longstanding dislike, going back to when I was seven or eight years old, of having my hair cut, but it also has something to do with my difficulty in relating to people in situations outside of my 'comfort zone', and of my almost pathological fear of making a fool of myself, or, at least, what I perceive to be a fool of myself. I suppose it all comes down to self-esteem and self-image, and my dealings with those issues have always been rather fraught. Having been the butt of jokes/abuse about my appearance, about being fat, for as long as I can remember, any self-confidence I've ever possessed has always been inextricably linked to my intelligence, and anything that undermines that one 'good point' about me has always been extremely difficult for me to cope with. This will all sound rather deranged to some people, I would imagine, but it's all part of what makes me, me, for good or ill. You readers out there can take me or leave me as you wish, but I can't escape from the shackles of my psyche. Would that I could.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B

2 comments:

  1. I always wait too long. By then my hair is unkempt and unruly. I'm too cheap is the problem. $14 plus tip to do a snip snip snip on me!

    I would hope that a haircut would be painless. IF pain is involved, someone is doing something seriously WRONG! HAHAHAHAHAHA

    And yea, you're deranged, no doubt :-P !!! (Double HAHAHA) But I get it. Some things people just don't want to do for whatever reason. It's ok. Go shaggy, can't hurt anyone.

    Peace <3
    Jay

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    Replies
    1. Hello Jay
      If my hair would co-operate, I would just let it grow, and end up, no doubt, looking like some sad aging rock star wannabe. But, sadly, as soon as it gets anywhere near collar length, it just looks a complete mess. I usually force myself to go and have it cut when it gets to the point that it's annoying me, but this time, having lost easy access to the barber I've been using for most of the past decade - in Liskeard, a bit far away to pop in for a quick haircut - I've had to overcome my discomfort with dealing with new people, too, hence the untoward delay. Having finally managed to overcome that hurdle, though, I'll probably be able to revert to my old pattern, and go, if reluctantly, to the new place again when it becomes necessary. I've said more than once that I'm about 13, in my head, and that applies in this situation, too - I'm still the same shy, unself-confident boy I was back then, in many ways.

      Love & best wishes
      Sammy B

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