Out and outside

I'm up in London on my day off, just for a change, currently sampling yet another Wetherspoons, new to me, a stone's throw from the end of Tower Bridge, and contemplating what to do with the rest of my afternoon. I'm trying to persuade myself otherwise, but one plan keeps asserting itself in my head, namely finding myself, as it were, on the same bus route at the same time as last Friday, in the hope of catching up with the same cutie again. What I would expect from such an encounter, I've no idea - probably no more than another bucketload of frustration to add to the ocean's worth already in my head, if I'm being realistic.
I've been thinking again about the implications of who I am and what I want over the past couple of days, and also about the likely fallout if the 'real me' ever surfaced at work, or, at least, in the company of one of my colleagues. Not for the first time, it's made me realise how much of an outsider I am, and, in some ways, I've always been. When you're forced to live so much of your life in pretence, in hiding, just to be able to function in society at all, it can hardly be otherwise. I doubt that such musings are in any way worthwhile, because they bring me no closer to a solution, if, indeed, there is one. Caught in that intractable maze, once more.

Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B