I've been tipped back into a very unhappy place by events of the past 24 hours. It began by my being ensnared by good intentions, or what I would consider to be good intentions, into not only making myself look foolish and naïve, but into dragging someone else who I've come to consider as a friend, at least in a cyberspace sense, into my pit of stupidity, and, on top of that, not even getting close to achieving the potentially beneficial outcome I was hoping for. That left me feeling very down and emotional last night - self-pity, for the most part, but also genuine sadness for one particular person who's really got under my skin, but who I can, realistically, do absolutely nothing to help.
Then, this morning, reading Tman's latest blog post, and being thrown straight back to where I was 3 months ago, when I wrote 'The dark place' in the wake of a similar blog post, but without, in this case, any hope of catharsis or resolution for me. No doubt the 'right thinkers' and other purveyors of schadenfreude would say that, as a self-confessed boylover, I deserve all the unhappiness I get, but I can no more help my sexual orientation than I can help being right-handed. It's been there, consistently, since I was a boy myself, the only variation between different phases of my life, in reality, being how successfully I've managed to come to terms with, and in most cases, suppress, my real self. Given that it's been around for the best part of four decades, and that I don't expect to become left-handed overnight either, I would hope it wouldn't be too much to ask for a little forbearance. Sadly, I probably hope in vain.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
All my favorite bloggers are going away. Another one just bit the dust today, for security reasons. I am sure going to miss them. I expect some to get tired of what they are doing and to quit blogging because of that. I've seen YouTubers do the same thing. But it's a shame when the drama we've seen here in the past week and a half or so drives them away. It really is disappointing. I hope some things will get explained and some of the mystery can go away. But I don't know if that will bring some of these people back. It was a nice ride for a while, too bad it couldn't stay that way.
ReplyDeleteHello Brian
ReplyDeleteI share your disappointment - that people come and go for their own reasons is all part of blogland, but for bloggers to be driven away by the deliberate actions of others is particularly galling.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Sammy... a word or two of comfort for you... You are as God made you... Your desires are part of that... The cross you bear is different, but the same as others- how responsibly you act on your desires is the mark of a man.. You seem to know the difference between self gratification, and the emotional safety of others...
ReplyDeleteI didn't come to the ether to judge good people... The underbelly that I have found, is full of self-serving irresponsible fools, that seem to have lost all compassion for the vulnerable amongst us... mostly the kids, but, in truth, anyone trusting that they can prey upon.
You don't fit that profile... Do your best to be the good man that you are, and, I will call you a friend... luv, tman<3
Sammy, go immediately and read the new post on Paul's blog: http://paulssplace.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteHello Tony
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking the time to comment. One thing I've tried to be consistent about since I first ventured into the blogsphere, is to be honest, ironic, in a way, given recent events, but unless I'm honest in this kind of anonymous, or at least pseudonymous, forum, I don't see the point of doing it.
I respect your faith, but I don't share it - I've been an atheist almost as long as I've been a boylover - so I would say that I am as the interaction of heredity and environment has made me. What particular elements have combined to make me what I am, and why, is a mystery to me, because I can remember no specific incidents that tipped my balance one way or the other - I certainly haven't had to cope with anything remotely approaching the trauma you suffered and have fought to overcome. As to the practical consequences, and as I've said before in this blog, I have never had sexual contact with a boy, and I find it very unlikely that I ever will, but I'd be lying to you if I said I never would - it could happen, if the right (or wrong, dependent on your perspective) combination of circumstances prevailed. What I would never knowingly do, though, is force or coerce anyone into anything that they didn't want to do, and that applies equally to adults as to younger people.
So, a good person? No, I wouldn't make that claim about myself, but a person who is doing the best I can in the situation I find myself in? That, at least, is my aspiration.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hello Brian
ReplyDeleteI've read the post on Paul's blog, and what I'm going to say to you is probably going to sound unwarrantedly cynical and misanthropic, but all I will concede is that it appears to be written by the same person who wrote 'Yacky Box'. Beyond that, I don't feel it proves or disproves anything. Thank you for bringing it to my attention, though.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
If you will ask Paul, he has absolute, undeniable proof that this message came from the person who was writing the JJ blog. You can also see that the diction is the same.
ReplyDeleteHello Brian
ReplyDeleteAs I said in my previous reply, I agree that it appears to be written by the same person who wrote 'Yacky Box'. If you've been writing regularly in a specific style for nearly a year, it's probably second nature to be able to drop into that style on demand. As to who that person 'really' is, I reserve judgment.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B