It's been my day off today, so, as the school holidays continue unabated, my daughter and I went out and about, off to our local Argos store, of all the exciting summertime venues you could choose - my daughter wanted to spend some of her savings on a set of art materials and equipment, as she finally seems to be developing some self-confidence in her artistic abilities. She got what she wanted, and on the way back, we passed close to the home of one of her primary school friends. He was (is) another one of the 'bright kids' who jumped through the requisite hoops to get to grammar school, but developed the reputation of being a bit of a 'geeky', mad scientist sort of character, and kids being what they are, i.e. cruel to anyone who's even slightly 'different', that led on to his being called 'gay' - this by 10/11 year olds, to boot. My daughter wasn't one of the name-calling crew, as I would've hoped, but the possibility of his being 'gay' came up in conversation today in the car. My attitude was basically 'he almost certainly isn't, but so what if he is?', to which my daughter's response was 'Ewwww!'. This led on to a more general discussion of this aspect of bullying, and the sort of insults that kids throw at each other, often just to get a reaction, but which, if directed at someone who might take them personally can be incredibly hurtful. I asked my daughter to think about how she might feel being in the position of the 'target', and she quickly admitted she would 'feel really bad'. I got a lot of verbal abuse when I was a tween/teen, partly because I was the 'fat kid', and partly because I was ridiculously 'bright', and attracted the sort of opprobrium that my daughter's friend has had to put up with, as being 'clever' has never been fashionable, even in the far-off 1970's, so I'm speaking from a position of some authority here. I hope that I've at least encouraged my daughter to think about the issues, and perhaps be a little more tolerant and a bit less prone to 'knee-jerk' reactions.
I've succumbed to a bout of shameless self-indulgence this evening. I normally have an unbreakable rule that I never spend more than £5 on a bottle of wine, unless it's a special occasion, but I'm currently enjoying a bottle of fizzy Chilean 'Brut Reserva' that was reduced from £10 to £7 at our local supermarket, for no better reason than I feel like it. Disgraceful behaviour, but 'is this the face of a worried man?!"
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
This was a good opportunity to help shape your daughter's thinking toward the good. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHello Brian
ReplyDeleteI don't see my parental role as telling my daughter what to think, or making her into a 'mini-me', but to point out the alternatives, and hopefully give her the information she needs to come to a rational decision. The decision, though, is ultimately hers, and I can do no more than hope she makes an appropriate one.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
what you tell her as a dad will always preempt her other conclusions, whether you intend it or not... at least, while she's young... That's good, tho -- she needs to hear your point of view, and, just the fact that the issue of verbal abuse was unresolved for her by the way she reacted to the gay slurs, tells you that you are a critical component of her development..
ReplyDeleteSo, dad, enjoy your little indulgence... and, worry... just a bit-- that's your job!!
It was a good day, for you, but, more importantly for her!! luv, tman<3
Hello Tony
ReplyDeleteMy daughter is an intelligent girl, and quite capable of making her own mind up, within the bounds of her current life experience. All I was trying to do was to make her think about issues that might not, yet, be part of her experience, and to let her know that it's fine if you don't slavishly follow the herd. That takes some nerve as a teen, though - I managed it through being pretty much a loner, and not really caring what people thought of me, although there were times when the verbals got too much, and the odd punch or two was thrown.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B