My first full day of 'home alone-ing' was, basically, pretty quiet. I spent most of the day catching up on a few pre-season football matches I'd recorded, while tapping away at another new story for the other blog, which I'll go back to after I've finished this. The weather wasn't all that prepossessing, grey, drizzly and a bit miserable, so I didn't even leave the house until it was time to go to work at just after 5:00.
A week and about 3 hours ago, I posted 'What's happening?', summing up my rather mystified reaction to the disappearance of 'Planet DJ' and 'Yacky Box'. Almost the first thing I found this evening was a post on Gabe's blog, which I don't follow, but do read from time to time, which appears to answer some, at least, of my questions. Sadly, and despite my saying several times that I sincerely hoped my 'wild theory' about 'Yacky Box' was wrong, it seems my hopes were in vain. The affair hasn't caused me any personal hardship or harm beyond a fair degree of disappointment and a small amount of embarrassment for having been duped, but I think there are others out there who were much more involved and closer to the centre of things, and their experience is likely to have been substantially more traumatic than mine. At the risk of hoping in vain once again, I would like to think that anyone tempted to indulge in 'spoofing' who happened upon any of the blogs (those that are left, anyway) of those affected might at least think twice about the upset they could potentially cause.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
P.S. Thanks very much to Daniel for becoming my latest follower. His 'Up and About' blog provides much interesting and thought-provoking reading.
SB
Hi there, Sammy
ReplyDeleteI found Gabe's post early this afternoon; I'm glad that some substantive information is emerging. It's what I had expected (it always seemed the best explanation of DJ's last post, and JJ's abrupt disappearance), even if it's not what I had hoped for.
It all seems sadly reminiscent of the collapse of "HockeyKidMN", except that it's happening more slowly (so far), fewer people have been hurt, and nobody, as far as I know, has taken life-changing decisions (like coming out to their family) based on what they read at "Yacky Box".
I've posted a comment at Gabe's blog - I hope he accepts it, because it tries to set out a reasonably balanced view of JJ and his actions. I hope people there will read it and think about it.
*hugs*
Mark
I still hope it wasn't all fake, just some embellishment. I sure know I enjoyed reading it while it was there. I really don't feel hurt or duped. I hope JJ is ok.
ReplyDeleteHello Mark
ReplyDeleteI've just looked again at Gabe's blog, and your comment is evidently still awaiting approval, but I'm here till 6:00 in the morning, so I'll doubtless catch up with it at some point. I can only hope that you're right about the collateral damage, because the blog was only part of 'JJ's' network, there was plenty of e-mailing and MSN-ing going on as well. It's a pretty sad tale all round, both in terms of those like DJ who've been hurt (hopefully temporarily) and also in thinking of the possible motivations of 'JJ' for spending so much time and effort in perpetrating what appears to have been a total deception.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hello Brian
ReplyDeleteI, like you, have harboured hopes about this affair, but I don't think, in the light of the available evidence, that this particular 'Pandora's Box' even has hope left at the bottom of it.
Whoever 'JJ' is, I bear him/her/them no ill-will, but I am uneasy about their motivations.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hi, Sammy B,
ReplyDeleteWhat JJ did was truly a sad thing, and he did hurt a lot of people, especially DJ (but also Gabe, Rowan, and myself) and none of us have answers. I, too, have been keeping in contact with DJ, and we're working through the pain together. I can say that JJ's motivations are unclear, but seem to be less devious than most people are thinking. My working theory (and yes, it's only a theory) is that when JJ started posting on Rent Boy, he got feedback that encouraged him to embellish a bit, so he invented stories that he thought people wanted to hear. And then he got more positive feedback from those stories so it snowballed from there. He opened his own blog, based in this fantasy world, and made some friends through it, but those friends came to him in this fantasy after all, and he couldn't expose them to his real life with out them seeing he's a liar, and risk losing them. Or worse, ruining the illusion for everybody else.
How do you solve that tangle? Easy, you perpetuate the lie, and hope they never find out. Well, we did. JJ did some really nice things for a lot of people, including DJ, Gabey, Paul, myself, Rowan, and a bunch of others, and asked nothing in return. I truly believe his intentions and motives weren't "dishonest", but, more to seek attention. When his world was exposed, he tucked tails and ran. I do know he still checks the blogs, though - I can tell when his IP address shows up on one of the blogs whose traffic I monitor. He's been sighted reading all of them, just not commenting. So, maybe some day he'll come back to us, I hope so. As for being mad at him, well, I was lied to, duped, and told in no uncertain terms I was one of his best friends. He knew he was one of mine. Now, I don't even know if he ever cared about me more than a piece of dog shit left at the local park. His boyfriend/best friend Mike was fiction, or, at least the parts posted on his blog about him. Maybe there is a Mike in his real life, but to what extent, we'll never know. But if he can "embellish" stories about his boyfriend and soulmate like that, I can only imagine what he must think about a peon like myself. As such, while I'm not mad at him, I'm still quite hurt because I don't believe he ever truly cared for me at all and that really makes me sad. How many others did he form relationships with and not give a damn about? I say that because if he truly gave a damn, he would have at least TRIED to make amends via email or MSN or something with the people whom he hurt, and give them some form of closure. Hell, maybe they'd have not even been too upset with him in the first place, and welcomed the "real" him into their lives. Instead, he ran away. Why? The world will never know :-(
Hello David
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for your comment. I think sadness is my uppermost emotion in the aftermath of what has happened - as I said in my reply to 'Wandering Pom', I'm sad for those like yourself who've been hurt and sad for 'JJ' that he felt that he had to follow the path that he appears to have followed. I think your theory is very plausible. I had a schoolfriend who I became quite close to who was eventually found to have 'embellished' his lifestyle, presumably to curry favour with others - a band and a soccer team that he claimed to have been in both proved to be completely imaginary - and this was long before the days of the internet and blogging.
'JJ', indirectly, helped me as well, in so far as 'Yacky Box' was one of the prime movers for me to begin my blog, and, notwithstanding some recent doubts I've been having about carrying on (which have nothing to do with this affair), I've largely found it a positive and valuable experience, allowing me, albeit behind a pseudonym, which I've adopted to protect my family rather than myself, to talk about issues which have bogged me down for many years, and at least clarify things in my own mind to a considerable extent, even if the underlying problems haven't yet been solved.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B