It's just occurred to me that, given that the readership of my blogs is rapidly dwindling towards zero, there's the potential for a certain amount of liberation. I've spent most of my blogging 'career' with an image of a potential 'typical reader' in my mind, and I've usually tried to write in such a way that considers the sensibilities of this unseen 'Joe/Josephine Public'. However, if no-one, or next to no-one is reading, apart from avoiding having my blog 'nuked', it doesn't really matter what I write, good, bad, emollient, offensive, sophisticated, inane, it's all the same, just words cast to the electronic winds. It might even make for more interesting posts, although that might be too much to hope for. The same mindset, perhaps, as I showed on the way home from work this morning, when, at one of the intermediate stations on my train journey, a lovely boy was waiting for, evidently, a different train than the one I was on, because he made no move to board, so I just turned in my seat and admired him through the window all the while, a minute or so, that my train was at the platform. If anyone saw me looking, and I'm pretty sure at least one person did, from the pursed lips of the woman concerned, that's too bad. There are limits to how much of your life you can spend trying to please other people, at the expense of your own interests, and I think I've had the balance wrong for a good while.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
I wonder what expression that (old hag?) might have had on her wizened old, weather-beaten face if the boy had been old enough to fuck or even a young lady.
ReplyDeleteYou know - she probably hasn't been getting it for centuries: long, long gone are her wooing days: just as her long and, some said beautiful, golden hair and the lightness of blue in her eyes.
Now she simply disapproves of all liaisons which might, just might, be born of interest, concern, love or lust.
It's doubtful that she can still remember which is which, of course - still less how to distinguish one from another. She is an old witch. One who, in times past, was herself condemned to the ducking stool or the deadly bonfire of hate.
Hello Micky
ReplyDeleteActually, the woman was youngish, late twenties, early thirties, but she was, pretty much, irrelevant in herself, as far as I'm concerned. That's the point, really - after 'x' amount of time spent trying not to upset other people, in blogland and IRL, I feel like I could do with some 'me time', subject, of course to not gratuitously hurting anyone. I'm not about to start lashing out at people on a personal level, just, perhaps, to be more inclined to say what I really think.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
One reason I haven't blogged in ages is the fear of judgement by those mythical readers. My life in general is pretty boring, the only thing I'm tempted to write about is my pursuit of sex. I'm not ashamed of it, but I'm sure others will judge my morals and the worth of my life. I know my own weaknesses well and I am comfortable enough with them, but I still find it very painful to open myself up to criticism by others.
ReplyDeleteHello Billy
ReplyDeleteI'm sure virtually no-one wants to be or enjoys being criticised, especially on issues as fundamental as your sexuality. I go through phases of emotions ranging from depression via fatalism to wanting to shake the world warmly by the throat in the face of the constant bombardment of hysteria and pejoratives aimed in the direction of boylovers in general, and me personally in the sense of seeing myself as a member of that particular underclass. Having said that, if I keep my head completely below the parapet, the haters win by default. Even if, with my small and declining readership, I'm shouting into the void or preaching to the converted, at least I'm having my say. The alternative is complete surrender, as I see it.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hi Sammy;
ReplyDeleteI have noticed that readership has slipped on my stats as well. And yet, I know that I'm not putting the time into the blog like I did in the colder months as I just have too much going on in this summertime. So, perhaps that is a fair condition for you.
A second note: always write what you feel. In this life, these blogs are often the only place where we can do so.
so, even if I'm not here so often as I should, I'm glad you continue.
hugs,
randy.
Hello Randy
ReplyDeleteI'm sure you and most people have got far better things to do than read my blog, but, as I said, that might give me the psychological freedom to be a bit more adventurous in what I write, which might elicit a little interest. There could be a virtuous circle in the making, who knows?
Love & best wishes
Sammy B