I'm not quite sure how to explain how I feel at the moment. I've gone from the turmoil of yesterday to a plane of....something. Not quite apathy, not quite fatalism, not quite insouciance, but with elements of all of those things. It's a strange mixture of 'I care what happens next, but I don't care enough' and wanting to vindicate myself at all costs. I suppose you're defined by what you can and can't do, and, given my lack of people skills and social graces in general, and lack of self-esteem and self-confidence in a lot of areas, almost the only part of my life where I've always been unshakably sure of myself has been in my ability to do my job, and to do it better, without wishing to seem conceited, than most of my colleagues. Now that psychological prop is in danger of being removed, where does that leave me? At the moment, at least, in fairly good humour, but whether that's some sort of gallows humour, I don't know.
Uncertain. That's the word that's just sprung to mind to describe my mindset. I don't even know which day I'm going to be on the carpet, what the likely outcome is, what I'll do next. It's as though the framework underpinning my life has had all of its bolts removed, and is only clinging together by willpower, and which as soon as anything happens to disturb my equilibrium will collapse into a meaningless jumble.
A bit like this post, really - incoherent and jumbled. I'm in a place I haven't been before. I'm trying to come to terms with it. I haven't succeeded yet.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
You said you were sitting with the shift manager when the bad event happened. Surely he will stick up for you, testifying that you had nothing to do with whatever happened. I don't see that it was any more your fault than that of the shift manager sitting there at the same time. Hopefully nothing bad will come of all this and things will soon be back to normal for you.
ReplyDeleteHello Brian
ReplyDeleteI don't know, and that's what's characterised today. I'll know more, one way or the other, by Monday or Tuesday. It's along the lines of how I would imagine sitting in the dock awaiting the jury's return would be like. Odd, and disconnected from previous experience.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hi Sammy;
ReplyDeleteI just lost my comment....but, I wanted to let you know that I am a small shop shift-supervisor position, with 10 people working under me. The biggest problem I've had is after someone messes up...i can't do their job for them. As a supervisor, my job is to ensure that they are trained and expect them to do their job.
So, no throwing yourself upon your sword...no one will care. You need to stand up for yourself. Research, don't come off indecisive or weak, don't allow yourself to be pushed too far. People make mistakes, this is what happens when people are involved...so your worker screwed up, not you. I repeat, not you. The task now is to clean up. What they are trying to do is sweep this under the rug...let them know that they need to blame the appropriate person. Further, no one likes the guy who blames...so develop a solution to the problem. Further, don't talk to anyone who can only say "no". It's not only a waste of time, but the higher-ups will be forced to support the person who said "no".
Time for fighting, Sammy. Put your game face on. I'll be cheering you on from here.
Hugs, love, and the very best wishes;
randy.
I was trying to come up with some good advice as I read through the comments, and randy pretty much covered it,so I'll stick with...
ReplyDeleteI wish you luck, and hope that truth wins out.
Peace <3
Jay
Hello Randy and Jay
ReplyDeleteI've got every intention of fighting my corner - I honestly don't believe I've done anything wrong. If anything, my main problem, when my 'day in court' comes around, is going to be preventing myself being overly assertive, if not aggressive, in defending myself. I don't suffer fools gladly, and this whole business is foolishness made manifest, in my opinion. I'll just have to wait and see what the next few days bring.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
I had a bad experience in my last paid employment - being accused of 'bullying' someone with whom I admit I didn't get on.
ReplyDeleteBut whatever the rights and wrongs of trying to make an apparently work-shy person pull her weight - I was disciplined and, in common with many other people at that time, put forward for a voluntary severance package.
I've never worked for anyone since and never looked back.
It isn't always the case that a forced change screws up your life - sometimes it can result in a far better future than you would have had.
I've certainly few regrets with the way things have turned out since!
There's always hope!
Hello Micky
ReplyDeleteI have got a tentative plan if it does all go belly up, but, at the moment, it's a matter of principle - as things stand, I seem to have been nominated as the scapegoat for someone else's basic, stupid error, and I'm not prepared to accept that role without a fight. The next day or two should give me a good idea of which direction I need to take.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hey Sammy;
ReplyDeleteJust stopped in to say "go get 'em".
hugs;
randy
Hello Randy
ReplyDeleteI still don't even know yet when I'm going to be in a position to defend myself, but thanks anyway.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B