I arrived home well after midnight last night, by which time my wife was long since in bed (although my daughter was still up and about - anyone would think there was a teenager in the house!), and she was out to work at 8:30 this morning. I then went to pick her up at lunchtime and took her to the station because she'd decided to go up to the Midlands to stay with her dad for a couple of days, as both of her sisters, who live relatively locally, were going away this weekend. I've got rather mixed feelings about her being away - given the friction between us earlier in the week, our not being under the same roof will minimise the chance of a renewal of hostilities, but, having been away for the best part of three weeks, I'm not thrilled about the prospect of extending the separation further. One thing her trip will do, hopefully, is to make my wife feel better about herself - she often seems to beat herself up about not having 'done enough' for her parents, given how far from her home town we live, so I hope she'll at least give herself some credit for this visit.
In my wife's absence, it's just going to be my daughter and I at home for the next couple of days. We were chatting this morning, comparing notes on our cyberspace experiences. I was telling her that I've been a bit disappointed of late about how I don't seem to be connecting very well with people via my blogs at the moment, in response to which she came out with something typically bright and perceptive, and something that came as a reminder to me of what I said when I started blogging, namely that my blog was really for me, first and foremost, and that if anyone else reads it and responds to it, that's a bonus. I don't deserve her, sometimes.
I found this during my wandering around the net earlier on. The post says most of what I would have said by way of comment, and considerably more eloquently than I could have managed, but it well illustrates, in my opinion, the utter intolerance of any lifestyle or worldview other than their own of many on the religious right. In the face of garbage like this, I don't feel myself in any way morally inferior, even as an atheist boylover.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Your daughter seems very wise for her age. I think it's nice that you will have several days at home alone with her. That will keep any friction between you and your wife from interfering with your relationship. It's a good time for you two to find things you enjoy doing together and not have to worry about any controversy. Enjoy your time at home.
ReplyDeleteHello Brian
ReplyDeleteShe's a bright girl, no doubt about it, and as an only child who's probably spent an above average proportion of her life in adult company, pretty grown up for her age, too. We usually get on well, I'm sure this weekend will be no exception.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hi Sammy;
ReplyDeleteI thought about your phrase regarding not connecting very well with people.... One of the things I like about your blog is that you have a knack for making me think, and on things and in ways I'm not normally thinking. So, while I don't always have a comment, I do "go away" thinking on things, and re-evaluating things a bit. To me, that's priceless.
Sammy
ReplyDeleteI hope you can work things out so that you have a restful and stress-free break: I think you deserve one. A weekend with your daughter sounds like a good start, at least, and maybe you're earning some brownie points by enabling your wife to visit her father this weekend.
Reading back through recent posts, it sounds to me as if there's a substantial difference between what your wife expects or assumes you can do on the financial front, and what you can actually manage in practice. I don't know how you go about lowering her expectations, but I think it's something you need to do.
I'll be away this weekend, once again; I hope all goes well for you.
Take care
Mark
Hello Randy
ReplyDeleteIt's about perceptions, I guess - for whatever reason, maybe guilt, maybe self-pity, maybe lack of self-confidence, probably a mixture of all of those things and more, I often don't feel that I'm saying the things that people want to hear. Perhaps that's why my daughter's comment about my blog being my place is apposite - ultimately, I have to be true to myself because, if I'm not, what's the point of my blogging at all? I do enough hiding in my 'real' life. without extending the phenomenon to pseudonymous cyberspace.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hello Mark
ReplyDeleteI think, sometimes, my frustrations lead me to 'demonise' my wife's attitudes. What she wants, ultimately, and it's a phrase she's often used, is for 'things to be alright', for us to just be able to live a mundane, trouble-free life. Our situation has come about through a combination of poor decisions and bad luck, and it won't be 'normalised' overnight, so maybe that, if anything, is what my wife needs to take on board - we will make it eventually, but it's going to take time.
My first day off has been reasonably congenial, and I'm ending the day feeling reasonably chilled, something not unconnected with the company I'm keeping, I suspect - there aren't many people I'd rather spend my time with than my daughter. Hopefully today will set the tone for the remainder of my time off. Have a good weekend.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Does your daughter know about you blogging? Isn't she curious about reading it? My kids has found traces of me out on the internet... not my blog though... but on YT and on a hobby musician community.
ReplyDeleteI guess you never know, some day they might accidentally stumble upon our writing and thoughts.
Either way, your daughter is bright and like many kids she seem to have the ability to see things clear. Personal blogs are mostly there for self-therapeutic reasons. Mine definitely are. Having readers, that's definitely a bonus. And amazing.
Enjoy your break!
Love
Daniel
Hello Daniel
ReplyDeleteYes, my daughter knows about my blog, and she knows about a fair amount of what's in it, at least in general terms, but, as far as I know, she's never read it. She has a Tumblr, and she shows me odd posts from time to time, but I don't look at anything other than what she chooses to show me - I think it's only fair that if she respects my privacy, I should extend the same courtesy to her.
I agree with you about the beneficial effects of blogging - it definitely helps to get stuff out of my system, and I'd probably carry on even if no-one ever read it. It would be nice if my fiction blog had a few more readers, because that is more designed for public consumption, but as I'm going through a rather barren patch with my 'creative' writing at the moment, the lack of hits is not that surprising. Renewed efforts are required, I think!
Love & best wishes
Sammy B