Wednesday 31 August 2011
Swung back down
"Now I've swung back down again
It's worse than it was before
If I hadn't seen such riches
I could live with being poor"
Just when you think the silver lining is in view, the cloud reasserts itself, and dumps on you big time. I spoke to my wife this evening, and money, just for a change, loomed large. Or the lack of it, of course. Another litany of bills landing from on high, utilities and an obscenely large phone bill, new school uniform for my daughter, etc, etc, etc. And that's before we get started on the mortgage and other finance issues. I get paid on Friday, including the extra for all the overtime I worked a few weeks ago, but it seems that it's all gone, and more, before I've even received it. The hamster wheel doesn't even begin to describe it.
What makes matters worse is that when my wife has her 'down' moments about all this stuff, I'm supposed to be her 'tower of strength', but when I struggle with it, as on the phone tonight, she doesn't even want to talk to me. 'I don't know what to say'. 'Well, leave your job, then'. 'Are you going to ring me tomorrow?'. Thanks for your support. How am I supposed to be a tower of strength when the foundations are missing? It's times like these when I feel like I might just as well come out to her and let the whole meretricious edifice collapse. If it wasn't for my daughter, I might be sorely tempted, but is even that a good enough reason to carry on? I probably will, because that's what I do, keep on, but the seeming pointlessness of it is hard to get past.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
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Hi Sammy;
ReplyDeleteWhat an interesting song to go with the post. I didn't quite understand but it sort of clicked into place after a bit.
I send off hugs and great hopes for you. Be well, my friend, and be happy.
-randy.
Like Randy, it took me a second to get the song.
ReplyDeleteAll I can say Sammy, is be strong. It seems pointless, and I know how you feel about all the money stuff. I lived paycheck to paycheck for years, and now finally, after 10+ years of it, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Your wife is stressed and I'm sure she finds it hard to cope, too. At least you have this as an outlet for your feelings, she has you, I suspect.
Keep on keeping on, friend, it's all any of us can do.
Peace <3
Jay
Hello Randy & Jay
ReplyDeleteAs I've said before, I'll do my best to keep battling on, but some days are better than others, and yesterday evening wasn't good, probably not helped by the fact that I'd only been awake for about 20 minutes when we had the conversation - the joys of night shift, and all that. Thanks for your support and kind words.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B