A question I've asked myself often enough, in the blog and IRL. Nothing that's going on in my life is making me happy, if I'm being selfish, and that makes it almost impossible for me to make anyone else happy, either. I'm just so sick of it all, the slogging away at a job I'd rather not be doing and that still leaves me without enough money to make ends meet, the being away from home, and then the personal issues, the hiding, the lying, never being able to be myself, even here, given the pseudonymity I feel I have to maintain. The sheer soul-destroying pointlessness of it all, and the knowledge that nothing's ever likely to change.
This isn't living, it's existing. And, at the moment, I can't see any compelling reason for this existence to continue.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Oh God, Sammy, not you, too. We may well have lost one today...permanently, we're still trying to find out, but based on his last blog post, it doesn't look good. I hate to suggest it, it seems that the Brits seem to resist this with an almost religious fervor, but I think you need to find someone, a therapist to be exact, that you can talk to. Just to get it out in real life. Please consider it.
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
Sammy... I don't really know what to say, tbh. I just didn't want to let your post go by w/o some kind of response.
ReplyDeleteI have been making the rounds, checking out blogs that I simply haven't had the time to read, or frankly, the courage to even try.
It has been a chaotic summer for me in so many ways, I can't even tell whether I'm happy or sad, overall... I guess I'd have to tilt that scale towards the 'happy' side, simply because through it all, I seem to be functioning and not falling apart!
But, that is life, no? I mean, we tend to get myopic of some very important things that, in the end, are key to our happiness.
Not to say that the realization of happiness doesn't have its pitfalls. (It would take too long to write...)
But, in the balance, I think I'd rather work my way through the choppy waters of honesty, even if it changes things forever... Forever, after all, is not a very long time, unless we are full of torment .
I'm sorry to be so ambiguous. I think you would really benefit by sitting down with a friend and getting some of this off your chest. Is there NOONE who can do that for you in your 'real life'?
luv, tman<3
hi Sammy;
ReplyDeleteAh, yes... life. That ordeal of disappointments and recriminations that we seem to spend all too much time wishing would just end until the time comes and we would give so much for just a bit more of it.
If I posted something like this and your prior post, you would tell me to seek happiness while maintaining the responsiblities important to me. You would tell me to make note of my blessings and know that they are real if sometimes taken for granted. And, I think you would tell me to love that man in the mirror, no matter how he sometimes makes me angry.
Know that we love you, my friend.
hugs;
randy.