Because of my interests, I suppose, the way that the #ToMyUnbornChild thing came to my attention was through a blog which concentrated on its homophobic elements - of which there were all too many, of course. I've found something else today, though, which gives me further pause for thought about the motivations for and attitudes towards parenthood that some people have. It seems that there are also a substantial number, if not as many as expressed homophobic tendencies, who would disown/beat/kill their (potential) children for being atheist. OK, I'll admit that if I wasn't an atheist myself, that aspect might not have jumped out so readily, but what I'm thinking of here is the overall philosophy, if you like, of bringing up children. The attitude I've taken is encapsulated by something I read 25 or more years ago, long before I was a parent, indeed, at a time in my life when I didn't have the slightest expectation that I ever would be a parent. What I read was a letter, written in response to something or another, I have no idea what at this remove, that had been shown on TV, in the pages of, of all the unlikely places, Radio Times. The writer of the letter said, and I'm necessarily paraphrasing, that the role of a parent should be as a caretaker to their child, providing physical necessities, trying to guide the child towards living a moral life in the sense of having a good awareness of right and wrong as those concepts relate to other people, but, ultimately, accepting the child as an individual who would have to make their own decisions as to how to live their lives, and accepting the child for whatever they are, irrespective of whether the parent agrees with the child's choices or not. I'm not suggesting that my version of parenthood is either right, in absolute terms, or easy to adhere to, but I believe that anything less treats the child as a chattel, as less than a person, a mere adjunct of the parent and their prejudices. If you can't accept the idea of your child as an autonomous individual with their own wants and needs, thought and opinions, then don't have children in the first place, as far as I'm concerned.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
I think your parenting philosophy is right on the mark, knowing that there are as many philosophies as there are parents and children. I think your daughter's reaction when she discovered your orientation and preferences is a direct outcome based on your parenting of her. Good for you!
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
DeleteI don't know to what degree my philosophy has shaped my daughter, but I've always tried, right from her being a toddler just learning the concept of holding a conversation, to relate to her in a 'grown-up' way, obviously, when she was younger, taking her level of education and life experience into account. The idea has been to treat her as an individual, and instil a sufficient degree of self-confidence that she can make her own decisions, and, hopefully, reasonably sensible ones. The idea of disowning her, or worse, because she decides to espouse different views than mine isn't even the remotest of possibilities. My love and support for her are, in any foreseeable circumstances, unconditional.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B