Well, I said my piece, and I wasn't rejected out of hand. My wife has at least agreed to think about what I said to her this morning, and give me her response when I see her on Thursday. I've told her that I love and care about her, and that I'm sorry for hurting her, but that, ultimately, I am who I am. I've also told her I don't want us to split up, and while that might seem to be me wanting the best of both worlds, I haven't been unfaithful to her - there isn't anyone else in my life, and the chances of that changing in the future are remote, to say the least.
It was an emotional conversation, hardly surprisingly - I literally couldn't speak at one point, for a good minute - the feelings being heightened by today being a significant anniversary in our lives. Twenty years ago today, we got engaged. Twenty years on, and I asked for her forgiveness. I'll have to wait and see what her decision is.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
I wish you luck with this situation but it still seems to me like it wasn't necessary. This is just another bunch of trauma to deal with on top of your financial problems.
ReplyDeleteHello Brian
DeleteIn hindsight, I would've handled the conversation on Wednesday differently. But, as I've said several times before, hindsight is the most useless commodity known to man. The fact of the matter is, I allowed myself to be painted into a corner, then faced with a question to which the only answers were the truth or a barefaced lie. I made my choice, now I've got to live with the consequences, whatever they might be.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Sammy
ReplyDeleteI'm glad to hear that today's conversation went about as positively as one might reasonably expect - I guess your wife has had some time to become more used to the situation and start approaching it more calmly. Best of luck with the way forward!
I hope you don't mind me responding also to Brian's comment. My own experience was that, eventually, the psychological cost of maintaining a facade to the rest of the world becomes too much, and a direct question will prompt an honest answer, regardless of the consequences. It may not be necessary; it is probably not planned; but nevertheless it happens, and one simply has to accept the new situation and try to make the best of it. I think it has been much the same with you.
Take care
Mark
Hello Mark
DeleteYour summary of what happened and how it happened is pretty accurate. The feeling of my mask being insupportable has been growing for at least two years, and probably longer. If Wednesday hadn't happened, another, similar day wouldn't have been far away, I suspect.
As to what comes next, it's still too early to even guess. I was expecting an outright 'no' yesterday, which didn't come, so that, at least, is better than it could have been. I'll just have to wait for the response.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
I am glad that a little time has tempered the conversation, Sammy. That is a great thing. I must agree with Mark's comment to Brian, I, too, am at the point where if I'm asked, you're getting an honest response - and let the chips fall where they may. Of course, I don't have a wife and daughter to consider, but I understand where you are coming from.
ReplyDeleteI hope that a few more days allows her to come to the realization that this 1. isn't her fault (typically there's a lot of blaming oneself when faced with a crisis like this) and 2. you are being truthful with her, and although she didn't know this about you 20 years ago, you're still the man who loved her and your daughter for all this time.
Peace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
DeleteThere's certainly no turning back now - I can hardly turn around and say I was joking - so I've got to deal with whatever is decided. The truth will out, one way or another, and that's the only element of this scenario that I have any positive thoughts about at the moment. At least part of the pretence is gone.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B