It was a Sunday afternoon, on a bus, in Northenden in Greater Manchester. In 1988, I think - ironic that the year is uncertain, but the location is absolutely branded on my memory, almost to the yard. I wouldn't have the slightest difficulty in going straight to the spot, even now. Where the greatest love of my life made it unequivocally clear that we would never be together. I don't blame you, darling boy, not for a second, and nor do I love you one iota less because of what happened. It wouldn't have been right for you, it wasn't who you were, and are. The problem is, though, that pretty much every decision I've made in my emotional life since has been wrong, and made for the wrong reasons. I took the wrong path at that fork in the road, ultimately leading to where I am now. And ruining three lives in the process. The word 'disaster' doesn't even come close.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
I don't know that all three lives are ruined. Off on a far different track now, but at the very least your daughter still has a wonderful life in front of her.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could figure out how to get you out and about and doing something productive in your spare time. I know it took me 6 years after my "turning point", but it's sure been great ever since then!
Peace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
DeleteThe problem with displacement activities, as far as I'm concerned, is that they only mask the underlying problem, which doesn't go away. It's all a matter of mindset, I suppose, and given that I tend towards the introspective and pessimistic, it's going to be pretty difficult for me to break out of the place where I've found myself. If there is a solution, it has to come from within, as I've said before. Does such a solution exist? I'm doubtful, on the whole.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B
Hi there, Sammy
DeleteI'm sorry it's so long since my last comment; as I think I've said, Twitter and Facebook seem to grabbed my attention recently.
I would think that any activity, if it's of sufficient interest to you, would cease to be "displacement" and become worthwhile in its own right. I agree the solution has to come from within, and that means that you have to want to break out of where you are.
If you do want to break out, I would suggest you try an adventure, as you were musing last month: go and visit some other part of Britain, or maybe even further afield.
Take care
Mark
Hello Mark
DeleteThere's a jokey insert they play on Planet Rock from time to time, comparing Facebook to The Eagles' Hotel California - 'You can check out any time, but you can never leave'. Are you the living proof?! Seriously, though, it's nice to hear from you. An adventure could be nice, but whether I would actually do it is pretty doubtful - my risk aversion has got a lot to do with my having painted myself into my corner in the first place. To break the pattern would certainly require an effort of the will, perhaps more of an effort than I have the capacity to make.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B