That make me cry, that is. Especially the stories of unrequited love. Five years ago, give or take, I first discovered a couple of web sites with stories about boys. Men and boys, boys and boys. The specifically erotic ones had the effect that, I guess, they were designed to have. But it was always the love stories that really got under my skin, to the point that I had to stop reading, because I seemed to spend half of my life in tears. I've just read one single chapter of one of those stories, and ended up with tears in my eyes again. It all came back, the tears born of the knowledge of all the mistakes I'd made, the knowledge that I was in love with someone - DBJ, of course - who would, could, never be mine, the realisation that there would almost certainly never be a 'happy ever after' for me. I remember K asking me, that autumn, what was wrong, and my telling her that I couldn't explain it to her. Except that I did, nine months or so later. And now, the beautiful boy I fell in love with in a small Cornish town, who I haven't seen for more than four years, will almost be a man - he's 17, at least, a school year above K, could be 18 already - and more out of reach than ever. And the tears are back.
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Love & best wishes to all
Sammy B
Sigh. I know. I find those whom I loved that are now out of reach and have the same reactions. And yes, the love stories do the same thing to me. The sex stories, far less reaction, in fact I reviewed a book thusly (to paraphrase): "Too much sex, not enough relationships and LOVE". The author doesn't like me much.
ReplyDeletePeace <3
Jay
Hello Jay
DeleteThis post was very much a case of le vin triste, but it was from the heart - DBJ, for all that I never knew him in any meaningful way, was, and is, very special to me. And, as for the stories, the 'sex' contingent have their place, and their uses, but the love stories - well, they're on a different level.
Love & best wishes
Sammy B